I Can't Help You Now Fuck Off

It should be legal to break legs and kneecaps as a form of reprimand for being stupid in the workplace.
For example: this morning I receive 5 emails from the same person that emailed me 5 times yesterday regarding an issue I can't help them with. I've already pointed this person toward the person they need to talk to.....yet they continue to ping me.
"Hey, uhh...still have that same problem."
"Have you contacted the person I told you to contact?"
"No."
"Well then no shit you still have the same problem. And guess what jackfuck? You're going to continue having the same problem until you get off the fucking phone with me and contact the person I told you contact. Now I can't guarantee that person can help you, but one thing I can guarantee is that I cannot help you in this situation and the other guy is Obi Wan in this case. He's your only hope. Now fuck off."

If my phone rings again and the caller ID shows that same person with that same problem, by law, I should be able to go down to that person's office and break their knees.

Shouldn't I?

I mean, I don't have the authority to fire the person. If I did, I never would have hired them in the first place believe you that. So I should be able to break their knees for all the frustration they've caused me and time they've wasted.

The problem is that people are no longer hired on merit or their ability to do the job. No, most people are hired because of who they blow. Not who they know.

I'll admit it, I landed my current job because I happened to know an integral member of the team looking to add another person. It was actually pure coincidence, but it worked out in my favor.

That being said, I've maintained roughly the same career level while most everyone else I know has steadily managed to move up the corporate ladder. Two reasons for this. One being that I only decided to attempt to grow up and get a real job in my late 20's. Up to that point, I had taken jobs that were fun like working in restaurants and snowboard shops.

Fun yes. Pays the bills, no.

So while everyone else was settling into the corporate rat race, I was frequenting bars and after hours parties trying to maintain my already fizzled out fraternity days. This meant that everyone else around my age had over half a decade of experience and I had none.

Lucky for me I'm generally a pretty fast learner except for when it comes to working on British cars or kitchen appliances.

Second, and more importantly, I'm a non-political shithead. I don't believe in office politics...or American government politics for that matter, but that's a different topic for a different day. I refuse to be polite and suck up to people who are complete babbling, drooling morons. Unfortunately that description  seems to match a vast majority of employees across the board in all industries.

Not a day goes by that  I meet someone and think "my god you're fucking stupid. How the hell did you get that job?!"

Sometimes people will straight out tell you even if you don't ask them.
"I went to school with the VP who went to school with the President who was friends with my wife."

Holy fuck! No wonder the chain of command is full of drunken monkeys. They all know each other!

My brother often says that the real world is nothing more than a big version of high school and the older I get, the more I realize he's right.

Look at the corporate structure of most corporations. The high level managers are the guys that were the popular guys in high school,  and were usually on the football team.

Don't believe me? Try reading one of Malcom Gladwell's many books on the world. It is a proven fact that men in high-powered positions tend to be physically larger  and taller than your average American male. Of course the women that rise through the ranks tend to be attractive if not always the brightest....kind of like the popular girls in high school.

Know what I did in high school?

I drank beer.

I was also an honors student, but I hung out with the gearheads and the hoodlums with a few nerds in the mix because I was usually the new kid in school and these were the only guys that would let me hang out with them without a letterman's jacket on.

That being said, I also got away with a lot of shit I probably shouldn't have such as trying to run down a freshman in my pickup truck my senior year because, as far as my teachers knew, I was a good kid that always went to class and got good grades.

It was my friends that showed up high on shrooms making architectural penis jokes.

Really, my role in life hasn't changed since high school. I'm still the good kid who will try to help you out, but I tend to overstep my boundaries when I realize you're a fucking idiot who should never have gotten to the point you're at.
Except rather than going to the Principal's office, I get chewed out by the higher ups and written up and all that happy fun shit. But they keep me around either for entertainment or because they know that I know things they don't have the time or desire to know.

I could probably rise through the ranks easier, in turn making my own life much easier if only I"d play the game.
But you know what? I didn't like most of those people in high school.....and I don't like them now.