My Ass Hurts for MS Research

As I always do this time of year, I met up with members of Team Pro Bono for the annual MS 150, a charity ride that donates all fundraising proceeds to Multiple Sclerosis research. For those of you who may not know, I have a handful of friends that live with MS, so although I donate my time and money to other non-profits and charities, the MS Ride is my main fundraising focus throughout the year.

It gives me a good excuse to ride my bike, enjoy the company of strangers and help out some friends, what better charity could there be?

This year, Pro Bono took the show on the road and traveled to norther Idaho to participate in the closed course MS 150 that is a 75 mile out and back that runs from BFE, Idaho to Way Past BFE, Idaho. 2011 also welcomed a new member to Pro Bono.
A fellow Delta Chi and former EWU linebacker, Andy Castle brings good humor and good size to the team. He makes an excellent wind block. I hope you continue riding with us in the coming years Mr. Castle, because that stretch between Mt Vernon and Bellingham is always windy.

Much of the team could not attend due to previous engagements or family emergencies.
While it would have been great to have everyone along for the ride, sometimes life happens and that is understandable.

Mr. Castle and I decided to take it upon ourselves to complete all 150 miles on Saturday. We left the hotel room around 4:30 AM, only to find ourselves on a single lane dirt road waiting for Leatherface to hop in the back of the truck. Thanks for that Google Maps. Your sense of humor is stellar.
We ended up doubling back into town to have a look at a sign Andy had pointed out earlier. It very clearly said "TRAIL HEAD" in big letters. Maybe he oughta go work for Google Maps.
We rolled out in the blackness of the Tater Nation pre-dawn, onto a paved bike path that neither of us had every ridden. In true Delta fashion, we relied on small commuter head lights because we didn't want to tote around the extra weight of real headlights and battery packs for 150 miles.

Geniuses.

But, we rode until the sun came up without incident...save for the few times we almost crashed into each other and/or almost rode off the sides of the trail.
About an hour into the ride, we were passed by the only other 2 riders embarking on all 150 miles that day. They stopped ahead of us to take pictures of a bull moose grazing in the marsh next to the trail.

That would be the last time we saw them.

We made it to Mile 75, which was the starting line for the rest of the riders. We regrouped with Kristin and Shari, and hit the road for the ride back. Along the way, we picked up a solo rider looking to draft off big Andy. His name was Roger; a man on the far side of middle aged riding a neon green Kona Jake the Snake cyclocross bike who would not stop talking for the next 4 hours. Literally.
Other than some mild heat stroke, and Roger's incessant yapping, the second leg of the ride was without incident.

Upon our return to the BFE Indian Casino and Hotel, we attended a buffet style dinner where we promptly stuffed our empty stomachs while listening to the evening's speakers.
While most of the speakers were staff and/or volunteers for the MS Society, the speaker that got everyone's attention was a 20 year old kid who is the recipient of this year's MS Society scholarship.
Unfortunately I can't recall his name. :-(
Here is a kid who was diagnosed with MS as a teenager. As if being a teenager or being diagnosed with this mysterious illness isn't enough....no....this kid had both! Now, a sophomore at Montana, he is on his way to studying medicine....to help in MS research.
He received a standing ovation from the crowd and I think it was well deserved.
It was mentioned that Bike MS (MS 150) is the largest fundraising campaign run by the National MS Society. So far we've managed to raise $80MM for Multiple Sclerosis research and to help those living with MS.

And no matter how much your ass hurts from riding all day, doing something that positive makes you feel good.

You Should Fear Prison....But You Don't

The United States has more prisoners than any other country in the world. Many of them are harmless stoners who got caught with pot or other drugs. We imprison these people for long periods of time, which costs you and me a lot of money. How much? Nobody seems to know. That's the funny part. Like everything controlled by the governments, estimates vary all the way from $8000---$45,000 a year per prisoner.
I'm bad at math and even I know somebody fucked up on the accounting....or somebody's hiding something.
In any case, these people are put in prison for years at a time. The idea is that they will sit there and learn a lesson. Like when your mom used to ground you or take your TV away. Except these people are grounded with other people who got grounded for the same thing....for years.
Years!
So you're in this little confined area with the same people day in and day out and eventually you're going to run out of things to talk about and things to do.  Even as a kid, boredom led me down the path of destruction. My friends and I figured out how to make explosives from once harmless fountains and sparklers and thus commenced blowing shit up. My friend's mother's rose garden, another friend's parents back yard, the neighbors mailbox were all victims of our high explosive shenanigans.

We were 12 and we had plenty of things to do: motorcycles, bicycles, skateboards, video games. My family wasn't ever rich, but let's just say I wasn't deprived of fun as a kid.

Once we'd crashed the motorcycles, ridden our bicycles, skated our boards and conquered Mario Brothers, we got bored again...and that led us to figuring out how to turn good wholesome family fun into blow your fucking hands off dangerous weapons.
We also shot each other with BB guns, but I think that falls under the same line of thinking.

What I'm getting at here is that we were little kids with all sorts of outlets for entertainment. Just imagine that same thought process in a roomful of like minded adults that have years of nothing but time on their hands.

Imagine the consequences.

As George Jung said: "I went in with a Bachelor's of Marijuana and came out with a PhD in cocaine."

And why wouldn't you?
Let's face it, nobody wants to hire a felon. Some say ex-felon, but no, you're a felon forever and for always. It's not like bad credit where it drops off your record after 7 years. The only job you're ever going to get is as a line cook in a kitchen somewhere making barely over minimum wage.

I bet you're going to back to crime to pay the bills. I know I would.

So what's the solution?
It's actually pretty easy if you ask me.
First, stop imprisoning people for victimless crimes like selling dope. I know I know. I can already hear the cries of the conservatives, the liberals, the Bible thumpers and the soccer moms.

"But selling drugs is a crime and not a victimless crime! Drugs make drug addicts..." blah blah blah.
First of all, drugs are a product, a commodity like anything else. Whether the government deems them legal or not is irrelevant because people are going to buy them regardless of what the law says.
As an FYI: marijuana is technically legal in the U.S....you just have to acquire a tax stamp....which is next to impossible.
Secondly, drugs don't create drug addicts...except for maybe meth...but who knows what the fuck is in that shit. In any case, you have the power to make the decision to do said drugs or not do said drugs.

Your choice.

The drugs aren't going to find there way into your cupboard and oh shit I thought I thought I put creamer in my coffee, but turns out it was blow.
And even if it did happen, I would hope you know the difference in taste between cocaine and creamer. Even if you don't know what blow tastes like, I would hope you could at least distinguish for yourself that the coke ain't creamer.

That bullshit After School Special shit where little Tommy instantly becomes uncool because he wouldn't smoke a joint at the party?
Not true. Let me tell you how it really happens:

"Here man, smoke this." Bobby tries to hand Tommy the joint.
"What is it?" Tommy asks with innocent, wide eyed curiosity.
"It's weed man. Got it from my brother."
"Uh, no way Bobby. Drugs are bad!"
"Alright. Fuck you. More for me."

More. For. Me.

That is how that conversation goes. Always. Every time, and believe me, I've had that conversation more than a few times with people...and you can replace weed with any other drug or even booze.

So, stop putting these people behind bars. Cigarettes and alcohol both kill millions of people a year. But the guy at the corner store that sold you the 6 pack and the box of Winstons doesn't go to jail. If you become an alcoholic or die from lung cancer, nobody shuts down all the corner stores in the nation.

But maybe they should.

As for the real offenders, the violent offenders, the sexual predators, the child molesters.
Easy.
Shoot 'em.

I know I know. "But that's inhumaaaaaaaaaane!!!!"

You know what?
Fuck you.

If you think what some of these sickos did is humane then you're as fucked up as they are. And if you think the right thing to do is spend money on keeping these fuckers alive, maybe we ought to put you in a cell with them for a day or two and see if that won't change your mind.

Or better yet, let them molest your child or kill your spouse and see if that don't change your way of thinking a wee bit.

I've never been to prison, but I've been to jail. Going to jail isn't a big deal. Who you meet in jail...well...that might lead to another story....or the end of your life's story.

To the religious nuts that say "it's not for us to judge, it's for god to judge," let me make this perfectly clear: I don't believe in god. Not Jesus, not Mohammed, not Sheba and not the almighty dollar.
But if I did, I would have this to say: God created us in His image. Therefore, if He has the power to judge, so do I and my gavel is a Mossberg motherfucker.

Or what about this as a cost effective solution: we have all this deserted desert land....maybe that's why it's called the desert. Just a thought.
Let's rope some of it off, bury some land mines and drop the criminals in the middle of it like they do to soldiers in war theaters. Put 'em in a plane, toss them out of the plane and here you go.
No food.
No water.
If you make it out alive, you get to re-enter society. You're still a felon, but I bet you wouldn't want to go back to prison.

And that's what prison should be: a deterrent, not a housing facility. You shouldn't want to go to prison. You should fear it.

But you don't.....

THC is not PCP

Marijuana is NOT a gateway drug.
Let me repeat that.
Marijuana is NOT a gateway drug.

I can tell you that from experience because I've tried most of them. Uppers, downers, hallucinogens, pills, powders, I even had some shit in a capsule that made you go sideways and upside down but not diagonally into space or back in time.
I spent a good number of years without a single completely sober day.

If you don't believe me, I can show you the scars and the legal bills to prove it.

If you can smoke it, swallow it, sniff it or drink it I've probably tried it....except for crack....and PCP
Crack's whack.
And heroin. I have a gnarly phobia of needles.

Anyway, I quit that shit years ago. Drugs are bad, mmmkay?

But weed's not.

I didn't stop smoking weed to sober up and get clarity. I didn't stop smoking weed because it was making me miss work and ruining me financially. I didn't quit smoking weed because I got high one night and punched a hole through the wall.
I didn't quit smoking weed because of the ill after and side effects.
Nope.
I stopped smoking weed because I fall asleep.
Why spend money for good weed if you can't enjoy the high?

In all my days of smoking joints, bong hits, and tokin' bowls I never once thought to myself "Hmmm.....I wonder what crack is like?"
Never. Not once.

I tried other drugs because I wanted to try other drugs not because the Weedmonster got into my head and told me to do it. I have an addictive personality and the excessive drug use was an unfortunate byproduct.
Just like I've never had just one beer. I've sat down with the intention of having one and ended up having 10 or 12. It's just part of who I am.
I suppose I could have redirected that energy away from drugs and booze, but I didn't. I'm not proud of it, but it happened.

I have the scars and the rap sheets to prove it.

In any case, weed is about the only thing I've ever done that turn me into a fiend.
If you talk to anyone who has ever been to a bar with me, they will tell you that once I've had one, it's on. I'll be there until closing time and then look for a party afterward.
But I can smoke one joint and say "enough."

I'll eat all the Doritos in the house, but I won't smoke all the weed.

I don't have kids. But if I did, I'd rather my kids be pot heads than drunken alcoholics. Drunks do dumb shit. They fight, they drive fast, they break into houses just to sleep on the couch.
Stoners go to Taco Bell and eat.
Wow. Big deal.

If anything, people smoking weed is good for the economy.

Why they hell do you think they created 24 hour drive thrus and grocery stores? They're not for law abiding, PBS watching citizens who happen to be watching the late news and have a sudden craving for shitty 99 cent tacos.

Look at the new Jack In the Box commercials.

Stoners.

Stoners get hungry and buy food. When they buy food, they don't prepare a list...well....some of them do. I was never one of those people. I went to the store and bought whatever sounded good as I wandered up and down the aisles.
Bananas and ketchup?
Fuck yeah, why not?
Give a pair of stoners $100 and send them to the store. They will spend that $100 on the most random shit and eat it all that night...well....except for the stuffed Easter bunny that someone picked up from the clearance shelf.
Who bought that thing?

Stoners.

Stoners drive innovation. Those little pretzel rolls with the cheesy pizza shit inside of them? Who do you think those were designed for? Popcorn flavored jellybeans? Those fucked up Doritos flavors like cheeseburger and hot sauce?

Stoners.

Lava lamps, black lights, crushed velvet paintings, the Hide A Bed, the Lazy Boy (hence the brand name), fruit scented markers, the digital clock,  the remote control, cheese on apple pie, the straw with the little spoon on the end that you get with ICEEs, ICEEs, Apple computers ( I mean who else would name an electronics company after a food?), surfing, skateboarding, snowboarding, bicycling (Hey man...I bet you can't balance on two wheels), the all you can eat buffet, the Slip N Slide, sand castles, those lawn sprinklers that look like a red tractor that are supposed to go across the lawn but never seem to go anywhere,  Mellow Yellow soda pop, canoeing (what the fuck did you think they had in those peace pipes?), every piece of software you've ever used (that's why most of it's not real intuitive except for creative suites).

Created for and by. Stoners.

Stoners have been living green since the dawn of time.
Recycling?
Stoner idea.
Everyone's smoked out of an old pop can or apple core.....and everyone's probably planted at least one of those apple cores after they were high in hopes to grow some more fucking apples.
Stoners like to ride bikes and skateboards, thus easing traffic and pollution. Not because they are necessarily concerned about such things, but after some good weed 55 MPH might as well be light speed  and Captain Kirk might as well be driving....and if you've attended some of the parties I've attended over the years, Captain Kirk was driving...badly I might add.

Alcohol and drugs can ruin lives if taken in excess. Marijuana leads to eating, sleeping and laughing for no good reason. Alcohol and drugs can lead to diseases, breakdown of bodily functions and even cancer.
Weed gives you the munchies and cottonmouth.

Rather than damning marijuana in this country, shouldn't we be thanking it for bringing us modern civilization....and delicious baked goods!