You're Occupying My Precious Time

Listen to me people of Occupy Wall Street (as well as the rest of you who are "occupying" other cities): You're not changing anything! The only thing you're doing is occupying my precious time by making me listen to your blather as I walk by or wait for the bus!
Am I pissed about the state of America? YES! Am I pissed about the economy and the corporate greed? YES and YES!
But let's get something straight: your stupid hippie protests aren't going to accomplish shit. In fact, you don't even know what you're trying to accomplish!
Sure you say you want corporate greed to stop as you dress in your Levi's and talk on your iPhone. But guess what, you are the people fueling it!

As am I.

We buy these mass produced consumer goods because they are readily available and affordable. Now, you could go out and buy only locally made products and support only local businesses. People do it. It's not nearly as convenient and not quite as affordable (although you can get some great deals if you know where to look). But you can do it.

Pretty much everything in our lives are products of corporate greed and major corporations. Your car? Made by a major corporation that gives fuck all about you, but really does give a fuck about fucking you out of your money.
Yes I one too. In fact, I have two. So fuck you.

The clothes you're wearing? If they aren't a major name brand, the chances that they were made in the same factories by the same little sweatshop kids as the name brand stuff are probably pretty good. Anyone can get anything custom made by a factory in China. Just go to alibaba.com and open an account. You too can be a "local retailer of small batch made goods" by this weekend.
Obviously any sort of technology or electronic equipment are produced by those who posses corporate greed.

Face it, passive, organized protest never changed a fucking thing. People always look to Martin Luther King Jr. While he helped change a lot of things, he didn't do it alone. There were also forces such as Malcom X, the Black Panthers and the Weather Underground that affected much of, if not more change than Martin Luther King's uplifting "I have a goddamned dream" speeches.

And this bullshit protesting? That's all it is...a fucking pipe dream.
Do you really believe that some high powered executive is going to see you guys on the street and something will click in his psyche like "oh shit, they're right! I've been fucking people all these years to amass my riches. Fuck me, I'd better stop."
No! Those people are well aware of the situation, and they don't care. That's how they got to those positions!
Fuck! Are you people really that ignorant?

And fuck the President and the government in general. He doesn't care about you. None of the politicians do. Again, that's how they got there. They (the billionaires, the CEO's, the politicians) are all part of the same little corrupt group.
If you think you actually voted for or against Obama, you're kidding yourself. For years, it's been known that the electoral college system is just PR bullshit. You don't actually vote for anyone or anything. The recent Alaska Way viaduct improvement solution in Seattle was a perfect example.
The people of Seattle and King county didn't vote for the deep bore tunnel. The tunnel was/is the most expensive alternate solution to the viaduct, which is aging and structurally unsound due to the local earthquakes. However, the government failed to give us any opportunity to vote for another alternative. There were alternatives discussed and presented, but they all failed to make the ballot.
So, the vote wasn't so much for the tunnel as it was against doing nothing.
Those were our choices: tunnel, which has already been determined is going to go over the proposed budget, or do nothing and wait for the road to collapse.

Fuckers. Fuck the government.

My point is, sitting around in the rain singing "Kumbaya" isn't going to change anything. Again, it's all about the money and the power. As a single person, unless you are willing to pick up a gun (and you aren't, you've proved that by sitting in the rain singing aboriginal show tunes), you have very little power. Again, the argument is "I have the right to vote."
And you do.
But as we've seen, that don't mean shit.
Consider this: what if you don't vote? And you convince everyone else to not vote along with you?
If nobody votes, then they can't lie to us and say we voted for someone or something.

But that's idealistic thinking that is unrealistic.

AND SO ARE YOUR PROTESTS!!

Stop trying to turn the fucking world into what you think is right. Do what you can by affecting change on a personal level, then in your circle of family and friends. "Vote" with your checkbook.
Buy local. Avoid shopping at major retailers and stop buying goods produced by big factories.
It's not impossible, but I'll tell you right now, it's gonna be a real pain in the dick to do that and still be able to function in the modern world.

Stop trying to change the entire world to make everyone see your point of view. Because it will never happen. I for one, will never agree with everything you have to say. And the failure to change one is a failure to change everyone. Stop trying to create the ideal world.
It will never happen.
Instead, why not try to achieve some reasonable change for you and your family?

And stop occupying my precious time.

Minimum Wage is Not Living Wage

I hate liberals...and conservatives...anyone who only sees the side of the story they want to see. Thinking solely along the lines of leftest or right-wing is precisely why we can't resolve the simplest of issues in this country....well....that and politics is inherently corrupt.
The fact of the matter is that there are times when conservative thinking may help solve the problem, there are times when liberal thinking may help solve the problem, but most of the time it's a combination of the two that offers up the best solution. Yet people only look at whatever side they want to look at without stepping back to look at the whole picture. When an opposing view is presented, many people automatically go into defensive mode, shutting their ears and opening their mouths.

I recently got into a debate with a friend of mine, who is, by every definition is a bleeding heart liberal. We were talking about theories on bringing jobs back to the States and economic recovery and all that good stuff.
Her theory was that American companies that manufacture products overseas for the importation of those goods back into the U.S. should pay the foreign workers the U.S. minimum wage. The thought was that if we had to pay foreign workers the same that we have to pay American workers, then there would be no benefit for companies to send jobs overseas. Now, I've known this woman for 20 years and consider her to be a fairly intelligent individual, but unfortunately, she's dead wrong and here's why:


1) If American companies were willing to police themselves, we would never had experienced anything like the sub prime mortgage meltdown. While these companies are perfectly capable of policing themselves, pure greed will not allow them to. If American companies won't police themselves on American soil, how can we trust them to police their ways overseas?

Let's face it: large corporations exist for the sole purpose of making money.
That's it.
That's why they are structured the way they are. That is why they do what they do and that is why they rule the world, regardless of what country you're in. If you don't believe that statement, go to just about any country in the world and see how many people you can find that do not recognize logos for Coca-Cola, McDonald's, Pepsi, Apple, Microsoft, Sony, Facebook, etc.

People start companies for 2 reasons: to run the show the way they want and/or to make money. It's usually a combination of the two, but in the end, it's the latter that will ultimately win out.

If you don't want to make money, and you want to be a nice fucking guy, you start a non-profit. But those make money too.
Don't kid yourself. The rappers of the world have their shit correct: it's all about the money and the power.

2) In the U.S., the minimum wage is not a living wage. Anyone who tells you that it is, is lying to you and you should punch them in the fucking face. Currently, the federal minimum wage is $7.25 an hour. That's $290 per week or $1160 per month....gross.....before taxes, insurance, medicare, social security, federal with holdings because you owe back child support.

Here in Seattle, the minimum wage is $8.67 an hour. That's $347 a week or $1388 per month. The average rent in Seattle has recently dropped to an all affordable $1023 per month, which is probably more than you're actually bringing home as a minimum wage employee. But, if you're making minimum wage, you're probably not paying average rent. You're probably living in a low rent neighborhood or possibly outside the city in the south Puget Sound area. It's hard, but you can probably find a place to rent for $500 a month if you looked, or shared an apartment with a roommate. That's about half of your gross monthly pay. Before taxes that pay for things you probably won't use and Social Security that you'll never see.
If you have a car, you'll need to fill it up with gas @ $4.00 or more a gallon in the Seattle area. Hopefully you'll have insurance, but after you gas 'er up, you might not have any money left. So let's say you ditch the car and opt for a transit pass. If you live in the city, this might be a viable option. If you live in an outlying area, one of these passes could run upwards of $300 a month.
Now you've already spent the majority of your gross income on a place to live and just getting to and from your minimum wage job. You still haven't fed or clothed yourself. You haven't taken a shower because you haven't paid for utilities...unless you're fortunate enough to find the rare building that rolls that into the rent. You can't call in sick or late because you don't have a phone because you didn't pay the bill. And let's hope you don't have any kids or a spouse or anyone else to take care of because, let's face it, you're fucked.

Now that $8.67 an hour is eight times more than many Chinese people currently make in entry-level jobs. Eight times. That's like making $72 an hour here in the Emerald City. Fuck. I wish I made $72 an hour! That's over $11,000 a month.
Which is precisely the problem. At $72 an hour, you'll probably find a pool of highly qualified, highly motivated applicants. At $9 an hour, you will find high school kids in search of their first job.
Now you run into training costs, quality control issues and costs, employee turnover rate costs and the list just keeps going.
Any way you slice it, in many cases it's still cheaper to outsource the labor overseas.

3) We have no business being the world police. I'm sure who elected us, but it sure as fuck wasn't me. We have our own problems here in the U.S.A. to contend with before we take on the problems of others. And that's another problem.
What we view as a "problem" or a "rights issue" or whatever in our culture is not necessary a problem or issue in another culture. Our perception upon the world as Americans is warped due to the media, due to the bleeding hearts and the ultra-conservative right wing.
All we have to do is look inward at our own individual "cultures" right here at home. You might not agree that firearms and the death penalty are OK, but I do. That doesn't make either view right per se, it just makes them different. You might believe in a Christian god or a Muslim god or a Buddhist god in your home. In my home, we do not. Again, not right or wrong. Just different.

What we need to do is do away with NAFTA and all this free trade bullshit and tax the shit out of foreign made goods. ALL of them, whether they are manufactured for U.S. or foreign owned companies should not matter. If we make foreign goods cost more than American goods, then people will be more inclined to buy American, to buy local. Thus, more money will circulate through the economy, and voila. Problem solved.
That's not to say that American companies will make good quality products, that's another issue.  But at least people will be buying American. Then we can begin to police our own companies on our own soil rather trying to chase down some overseas vendor that makes something for somebody who in turn sells it to an American company who then imports it and resells it to the American people.
If we hike up import tariffs, that would entice American companies to start making things here in America again.

That's why the Japanese have built facilities here in the states. It's cheaper for them to build their products over here rather than build them in Japan and ship them here. As it should be.

We also need to let American companies fail. Stop bailing out Chrysler and Bank of America. Let 'em fail.
One of the reasons we make such shitty products in this country is because we can. Because companies know that there will be a safety net, there is no motivation to be any better than the next guy or to strive for greatness. Historically, many companies failed. Nash, Hudson, Cord, Studebaker, Packard, Tucker, Marmon, Kaiser, LaSalle, and those are just the auto companies that failed in the 1940's!
Some will argue that letting these big corporations fail would just add to the already high unemployment numbers and bad economy. But I think it would drive companies to not fail. There are a finite number of executive positions out there, so if companies continued to fail, eventually the execs would also find themselves in the bread line with the rest of us.

The answer to the problem isn't to treat everyone fairly. The answer is to treat us better than everyone else. Pay people a decent wage for decent work. But also, be sure that the work is decent. Get rid of the union labor force. There may have been rationale to have a unionized unskilled force 75 years ago, but there is no longer. Unskilled workers should not get skilled worker pay.
Period.
Pay should be based on performance and merit and that should echo through the ranks of corporations all the way up.
Ditch the golden parachutes for the execs that continually fuck the American people. Kick them out of the airplane and see if they can fly.
Stop policing the goddamned world. It's not our job and we can't afford it at this point.

Let's stay focused on rebuilding the U.S. and not tearing down other countries.

Everyone Is An Asshole

I used to believe that most people were inherently good and would do the right thing.
Turns out I was wrong.

Most people are assholes. If you happen to be reading this in the workplace and if your workplace happens to be an office environment, look around. Look at the people who are on top or near the top.
How did they get there? Usually by stepping on people, stabbing people in the back, or just blatant lying. You'll also notice that the people who are actually good at their job (especially people who are really good) stay in the same position forever. They never move up.
It's because the assholes at the top know that they don't know what that person knows.

The saying "shit rolls downhill?" There's only shit because of people.
People shit.
People shit on other people.
Really shitty people shit on little people, kids and animals.

Fucking pieces of shit.

Watch the news sometime, or just click on MSNBC. You'll see stories of violence, police brutality and just plain injustice. These stories are usually bolstered by video taken by some asshole who will state "I wish somebody would have just helped the guy" or "nobody deserves to be treated that way."
But they never step in. They'd rather film it for YouTube on their fucking iPhones then actually try to help the situation.

The same thing can be said for American politics. People just stand here and complain in hopes that some other self aggrandizing asshole will step into office and change things.
I don't like hippies and I think peaceful protests are a waste of time, but hey, at least they were trying  to do something.

People are just rude, self righteous assholes. Period. There are good people in the world, but the majority are not.
Nope.
Most people would rather cut in line at the grocery store to save their precious 2 minutes while everyone behind them suffers. Most people would rather cut you off in traffic rather than wait the extra 5 seconds to exit the freeway safely.

Most people would rather shit on your then own up to their own mistakes or responsibilities.

I know you have at least 1 co-worker who would rather blame everyone else for everything that has gone wrong rather than own up to his or her own fuck ups. I know you have at least 1 co-worker who has someone else do everything for them, not so much because they aren't capable, but because they want someone to blame.

Unfortunately, it's those shit heads that move up the corporate ladder.
Which is why I can't stand corporate America, but let's face it, how many options do most of us realistically have?
Those same shit heads are the shit heads that steal other people's ideas and take credit for other people's hard work. They are the same shit heads that drive the giant SUV's with a dozen TV screens even though they have no kids and don't carpool.
They are the very same people who toss a used napkin toward the garbage can, thinking they are Larry Bird, and miss. Then they leave the napkin there rather than picking it up because "that's housekeeping's job."

Fuck you.

People continue to be self righteous assholes until you hit them. Either literally or in the pocketbook. Being that we're all adults here, I'll use the pocketbook example even though I'm definitely not  opposed to kicking someones teeth out in the middle of a busy intersection in downtown......in which case somebody would record it on their fucking iPhone and I would become the king internet YouTube bad guy bully.

The only time you ever see people even think about standing up and doing what they think is right is when somebody somewhere decides to raise the price on something. Especially when that something is taxes. Any time the government wants to raise taxes it's "holy shit! You just raised taxes and where the fuck did that money go? You said it was for the schools and I'm fucking Mormon and I have 12 kids so I'm concerned about the schools! You said it was for the schools and you bought a Lear jet!!"
  
"Yeah, well, we're sorry about that. Give us more money."
"Not until you fix the schools."
"Give us more money."
"What about the children?"

Yeah....what about the children of these self righteous assholes? Will they grow up to be assholes too?
Yes. Yes they will.
They will be just like their parents and sit idly by as the world turns until the world turns on them. Then they will bring everyone else into the mix and try to do good with whatever bullshit cause they set their sites on. They'll donate money to make the problem go away.....or to hire someone to deal with the problem.

After all, the world is round......much like an asshole.

Stop Lying to Your Children

I hate to bring that dose of reality to your life. But you will never be wealthy.
That's OK, neither will I.

That isn't to say you won't become "rich," however, the definition of "rich" is subjective. I'm probably rich when compared to some poor soul out there.

Take a look at your life. It probably isn't that much economically different than the lives of your parents or the lives of their parents. If you were born and raised middle class (whether it be lower, middle or upper), chances are you probably also turned out to be middle class. If you are in the 20-40 something age range, you probably also carry more debt than your parents did.

When I was a kid, I always thought that my parents were poor. As I became older, I realized that my parents weren't poor.
They were ludicrously fucking cheap.

There is something to be said for being frugal, but being cheap to the point where you won't even splurge every once in a while to enjoy life is just wrong.

They say you can't take it with you, so why not use some of it while you're here?
But I'm getting sidetracked.....

My reason for bringing up the harsh reality about the fact that you will never be President and you will never run elbows with Bill Gates or Warren Buffett at a fundraising luncheon is the simple fact that what they say really is true.
It takes money to make money.

If you don't believe me, try starting a successful business with no money. Take whatever you have in your pocket right now, write up a business plan and head straight to your nearest bank to apply for financing.
They'll laugh you right out of the place. I don't care how good your plan may be; how foolproof; how guaranteed to turn a profit starting immediately.
You can't get money without first having access to money.
Ironic isn't it?

Thus, those born into money, and to a lesser extent, those who have above average amounts of money can just continue making more money.

Those of us just getting by may be able to start a small business to bolster our current income or maybe even make enough to quit the day job.

But we will never be wealthy.

Now, I don't have kids. Probably never will.
But if I did, I would have to explain to them at some point that the world of finance and politics is corrupt, the news is scripted bullshit, Santa Claus does not exist, the Kennedys were drug dealing mafia assholes and you can still get pregnant even if you jump up and down afterward.

The American Dream, if it ever fully existed, is dead. The system is designed to keep the rich rich, the poor poor and the rest of us fighting to get by as we support the two extremes at either end of the bells curve.
Think about it.

Many laws and regulations are set into motion because of money.

At the risk of beating a dead horse, let's look at marijuana laws. Now, weed is perfectly legal. There are a few people in this country who receive this legal weed directly from the U.S. government. If you are willing to jump through the ridiculous hoops, and if you can somehow miraculously get the shit approved, you too can grow and sell your very own Alaskan Thunderfuck.
But the government rarely approves things like that. There are literally a million and one way for them to reject your application.
Why not just tax the shit out of you?

Because they make more money by throwing you in jail.
It's justification for hiring more cops, building more prisons, enacting more laws to restrict your freedom and your pocketbook.
If you go to prison for something stupid and petty like weed, you're still a felon when you get out.
Legally, prospective employers can't ask you why the fuck you were in prison, so for all they know, you killed someone and enjoyed their liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti.
And thus, you get stuck in the system. Maybe you need welfare and/or food stamp assistance because that fast food job you had to take just isn't cutting it.

The middle class pays for that.

El Presidente Dubya and his buddies opted for bank deregulation so that any cheesedick idiot could get  car loan, home loan, boat loan so that Dubya and his Roquefort-dicked buddies could make more money. More money by hiding interest charges and talking people into ARM loans they really couldn't afford. More money by freeing up credit people really should have to buy things they really can't afford.
And don't kid yourself. The economy has only crashed for me and you. The rich are becoming even richer in the "bad economic climate."
Oil and gas companies are gouging you not because they need to, but because they can. Banks are tacking on hidden fees and other surprises not wrapped up in shiny bows to fuck you out of your money and keep their own coffers full. Businesses are continually downsizing and operating on leaner structures in order to ensure that the profit margins continue to rise even though it means that thousands of Americans are currently without work.

The wealthy could change all of this.
But they won't.
I mean, the richest 400 Americans are all worth at least  $1 billion. I know people that are worth $1 or $2 million but I've never met anyone worth a billion! That's 1000 times richer than my richest acquaintances.
These billionaires pay, on average, about 18% in taxes.....which I think is probably an inflated bullshit number as well. I don't believe they even pay that. The ultra-rich and the wealthy have tax havens, and shelters and shell corporations to move that money around to avoid such taxes.
Oprah, Obama and Bill Gates don;t set up charities because they are wonderful god damned people. They do it to avoid having to pay taxes.
I'd do it too if I had enough money to hide.

While these assholes have more tricks than Penn and Teller, you and I fork over 30% or more of our hard earned income to support the fucks at either end of the scale. We pay into Social Security and Medicaid that we'll never see; welfare we'll hopefully never have to use; we pay premiums for home and car loans; we dole out bank and credit card fees because we can't seem to save enough for that all inevitable rainy day.
It's like that movie "Up" where the couple save up for their dream vacation to Paradise Falls, but shit always happens that depletes their savings. Then she dies, he's left to try and fend off the corporate assholes that want to turn his home into condos. He travels off in search of Paradise Falls and while en route meets his childhood hero who turns out to be a corrupt asshole.

That's some real shit!

I honestly believe that is why that movie was so popular. I think that deep down, we as middle-class Americans know that's exactly how life is going to play out.

Don't kid yourself into thinking that these assholes got to be where they are on their own.It takes an entire village  (albeit a large one with seemingly conflicting ideals) of fucking assholes to produce one little asshole like Mark Zuckerberg or Barack Obama.
Yes I said it. Yes I use Facebook and think it's a great product. But I don't think Zuckerberg is a genius and I didn't vote for Obama.
Now, I'm not saying that Zuckerberg is as big of a crook as people make him out to be either.

Mark Zuckerberg took someone else's idea and tweaked it. Nothing inherently wrong with that. Someone else took that idea to market in order to make it lucrative...not Zuckerberg. Zuckerberg is a programmer, not a businessman.

But any way you slice it, Zuckerberg was a Harvard student, as were Bill Gates, Teddy Roosevelt, Dubya, Obama,Costa Rican President  Jose Maria Figueres and UN Secretary General Ban Ki-Moon. Normal kids don't attend Harvard unless Harvard gets something out of it. The same goes for Stanford, Yale, Notre Dame, Brown and any other high priced school you can think of.

While attending college at the prestigious Eastern Washington University campus, I met and fraternized with.....get this.....people like me!!
Holy fuck what a concept.
I was just an average guy middle class kid with average grades. Most of my friends were average middle class kids, although the grades varied. There were a few rich kids on campus, but there weren't any Vanderbilts or Waltons.

Had I been a wealthy kid who attended an ivy league school, I would have been able to befriend other wealthy kids with various business connections and thus create more wealth for myself and my family.
It takes money to make money.

Nobody creates a life by themselves.

My dad is an airline pilot. Had I wanted to follow in his footsteps and become a flyboy, it would have been relatively easy for me. My dad has an airplane that I could have practiced and built airtime in. He knows people at various flight schools and when the time came, he knows enough people in that industry that I probably could have gotten hired by a major airline.

I bet you don't have those connections.

And I don't have the connections that you have via your family/friend/professional networks. And none of us have Bill Gates or Barack Obama's connections.

Yet that is what is needed to become President, to become a billionaire, live the American dream.

So stop lying to the children and telling them anything is possible. Either that, or change the dream.
Martin Luther King Jr. had a dream......and they murdered him.

Madonna Is Not the Only Material Girl

My brother mentioned to me the other day that he is trying to find a way to give up such a materialistic lifestyle so he can semi-retire early. He wants to be able to afford semi-retirement, but he doesn't want to have to give up his way of living.

Not sure how you're going to get both, bro.

The simple fact of the matter is that, as Americans, we work a good majority of our lives for stuff. From the time most of us are teenagers until we are halfway in the box, we work simply to acquire stuff.

Some will argue, that no, we work to pay bills.
That's bullshit and not true.
You don't have to have bills. You could be homeless. You probably don't want to, but you could be...it is an option.

On the Duwamish waterway near Elliot Bay there is a man who lives in a tent right on the waterfront. He has a little bench in his "front yard" area so he can chill and watch the boats. He can fish and pick berries to his heart's content.

Kinda looks like he's got it made.
Meanwhile, I spend nearly $2000 a month for a similarly appointed apartment...except I can only see the water, I don't live right on  the water like he does.
I don't even have a yard!
Or fucking berries for that matter.

Anyway, my brother tells me that as Americans, we put too much emphasis on stuff and when you look back on your best memories, they rarely include stuff. Except for maybe the memory of buying your first home or car.
I think he made a good point, even though he drives a BMW and rides a custom Harley that costs more than many starter homes.
There's some fucking irony.

We do  put too much emphasis on stuff. Why do guys like expensive cars? Because girls like expensive cars....well.....maybe not so much the cars, but the fact that somewhere beneath that big body Mercedes, there is a large bank account to supply her with.........more stuff.

Nice stuff doesn't always have to be "expensive" stuff. I have a nice enough car, I think. It has leather interior, climate control, power everything and seats 4 comfortably. But it's 12 years old and has 135,000 miles on the clock. It's paid for and it's comfortable and dependable. Before I had this car, I drove a car that was nearly 30 years old. I liked that car. I could take it places and not have to worry if it was going to get scratched or if the doors were going to get dinged.

Would I like a new car or truck?
Sure.
But if I have a car payment, then that means I can't go snowboarding this winter.

I'd rather snowboard. I'll take 2 feet of fresh pow on a bluebird day over leather interior and a heated steering wheel any day.

People have stuff for competition.
Like the old saying from the 80's "He who dies with the most toys wins."
But not really. You're still dead you cocksucker. At that point, what do the toys matter?
Most people that buy said toys never play with them. They look at them and show them off to their friends who may not be able to afford the same toys.
Like the Ferrari in Ferris Bueller's Day Off
    

Cameron: The 1961 Ferrari 250GT California. Less than 100 were made. My father spent three years restoring this car. It is his love, it is his passion.

Ferris: It is his fault he didn't lock the garage.

Cameron: Ferris, what are you talkin' about?

[Ferris eyes the car hungrily]

Cameron: Ferris, my father loves this car more than life itself.

Ferris: A man with priorities so far out of whack doesn't deserve such a fine automobile

Why do you need the big SUV to tote around your 1 or 2 kids? Because you can. Because you can say "hey fuckers look at me!! Loooook.......at.......meeeeeeeee!"
That's all. That's the only reason.

One could argue that I've never been in a position to afford stuff that nice so I really don't understand. After having nice stuff, you will never want to go back to not having nice stuff....at least that's what I'm told.

I could go into major debt like everyone else and have the nice cars and the overpriced Seattle mortgage payment. But then....I'd be just like everyone else.
When my friends call me to go snowboarding, rather than saying "fuck yeah, which mountain?"
I'd say "no....I can't afford to go. Got this car payment....."
I could put it on my credit card and yank all my money out of the bank and be completely broke. Then I'd have it all!
Then the bank would want me to pay up.
Then I'd be back to nothing.

The key to life and stuff, is, like many other things, moderation. Now, if having stuff and collecting stuff is your thing, great. Go for it. But don't bitch that you never get to do anything because you gotta pay for all your stuff.

I hate people who have stuff that never use it. Much again like the Ferrari in the movie. Drive the Ferrari. If you want something to look at, rent out some Playboy bunnies, stick 'em in a cage in the living room and let that be that.

Every year, I load up the car (sometimes multiple times) with stuff I no longer or never used and head to the nearest Goodwill donation station. Let someone else use the stuff I don't use. Yet every year, I never cease to amaze myself at how much useless shit I've amassed.

Every goddamn year!

I'm not much of the consumerist type. I buy a lot of bike parts and outdoor equipment, but that shit get used, broken, lost, what have you. I don't buy art for art's sake. What little art I do have is usually created by local artists you've never heard of because I think it's better than that mass produced shit or some shit like Picasso that people say is good, but I think is shit. I don't own all the new trendy gadgets. I don't even have a fuckin' iPod.
Know why?
Because I broke 3 iPods in a year a few years back and figured I don't need music with me all the time.
And I couldn't be happier.

Do you have any idea how much stuff you miss when wearing your iPod? The odd conversations you're privy to, the birds chirping, the kids screaming for asinine crap...and the parents who give in to said crap.

The world is an awesome place. Don't tune it out with headphones.

Yes, we have too much stuff. Nobody wants to downsize or lose their stuff. But really people, it's just stuff. Downsizing or trying to move away from being the typical consumerist American is tough.

It's like breaking a drug addiction.

But I think once most people try it, they end up liking it. You will have to change the way you do things, see things and your general modus operandi.

I don't think people realize how much of life they miss in today's technological world. I spend all fucking in front of a computer at work. I spend much of my evening on a computer as well doing shit like writing this goddamn fucking blog that nobody reads or editing videos of my latest idiotic cycling adventure.
I always wonder how much of life did I miss while fucking around with technology? Did I miss a big party on the beach? Did I miss friends that I haven't seen in years that just happened to be in town for a concert? Did my neighbors have a BBQ on the roof?

I don't know. And I'll never know.
But I do know this: stuff is just stuff. You can get more stuff at any time if you want more stuff. The stuff will always be there. Between China and South America, there is an infinite supply of consumerism stuff to buy. I should know, I'm in procurement. I get paid to......buy stuff!

But life is for living, and you only get one shot. You can't go down to Target and get more life...unless you want the cereal, which is good shit!
Life is finite.
How long it lasts is unknown.
You might have 20,000 days of life left. Or you might only have today left.

So why not put down the fuckin' stuff and go live your life?

Big Gay Al's Big Gay Rights

Apparently the ACLU is trying to drum up money for whatever long and drawn out cause they are going after next. There was an Asian man (I'll touch on the reason for mentioning his ethnicity in a minute) at the grocery store armed with a clipboard and and blue ACLU vest trying to sign up members.

While I think the ACLU is fighting for some worthy causes, they also take stances that I don't agree with. Thus, I'm not donating $10 a month that may be used to fight against my own system of beliefs.
Period.

In fact, I rarely donate money to anything. If it's a worthwhile cause, then I'll donate my time. This way, I know exactly what I contributed to what and how much. Plus, I don't have any money to donate because the fucking government took it all.

In any case, the Asian man in the blue vest approaches me and asks if I'm a supporter of gay rights.

I told him no.

He looked shocked. This is, after all, West Seattle, possibly one of the most progressive areas in one of the most progressive cities in the country. Nobody but nobody doesn't support gay rights in this part of town!

I went on to explain that I am a supporter of rights and why should I have to be gay to have rights?

Doesn't everybody have rights? And if not, isn't THAT what you should be fighting for?

Fuck "gay rights" or "women's rights" or "people who don't right on red!" Fuck that!

Everyone should have the same goddamn rights.

Do I believe that gay people should have the right to marry?
Sure! Why not? It benefits the economy, and in times like this, we need all the help we can get.
It's a known fact that gay couples, on average, make more than heterosexual couple. Thus, they pay more taxes and gay people like to spend fucking money.

At least, my gay friends like to spend money. A lot of money.

If nothing else, the first publicized, televised gay divorce will make for one train wreck of a Jerry Springer episode!

I support rights. Rights for everyone. Not special rights. You shouldn't get to go to school for free based on the color of your skin or because your parents are from another country....or because you are from another country.Or because you enjoy having a man-bear sexual partner.
No.
That's bullshit.
The playing field should be level.
For everyone.

People should be judged based on their actions, not their skin color, sexual preference or religious beliefs...or lack thereof.

I know, work, associate and befriend people of all backgrounds. I have right-wing Bible reading straight white WASP friends. I have a friend who is a black Cuban homosexual. One of my close friends and former room mate is a lesbian with more tattoos and piercings than Kat Von D.
I have friends that are rich, poor, plumbers, electricians, custom car builders, line cooks, real estate agents, non profit organizers, businessmen and women, firefighters, and even lawyers.

Each one of them is different as each one of them should be and has the right to be.
If you want to go to church and believe in whatever god it is you think is real, then that should be your right. But it is also my right to believe in a different god....or no god at all.

I believe in free speech and free will. The laws and the government should leave people the fuck alone so long as they aren't hurting anyone or infringing on someone else's rights.

I also believe that if groups such as the ACLU would stop pushing for special rights for certain groups that many people would change their thinking.

Every time you ask about gay rights, women's rights, Black people's rights, those labels spark some sort of image in people's heads. Everyone is prejudiced against someone or something to some extent.
Those of you who are not are fucking liars.
Do I support gay rights?
The answer is no.

Do I support rights?
Why yes, yes I do.

Back to the Asian ACLU guy. It should be mentioned, that I am of mixed ethnic heritage. My father is half Japanese, my mother Portuguese. The guy could have just as easily asked me if I supported Asian rights.

But he didn't.
He asked if I supported gay rights.
Does that mean he thought I was gay?
Maybe.
If that's the case, then he was making a judgement call (and a bad one I might add) on who he thought I was.
He could have asked me about civil rights or equal rights or women's rights.
But he didn't.
He judged me in what he thought in his mind, was an accurate assumption. And we all know what they say about assuming. It means there's no ass for u or me at this frat party.

His assumption about me and who I am, whether correct or incorrect, just proved my thought on the hypocrisy of groups like the ACLU and the inconsistency of their message.

That is why I'll give them a fucking dime.
I'd rather donate to the KKK. At least they are honest and up front about what they stand for.

You Are Fat, Not Hadicapped

People like this guy piss me off. I have friends that are actually handicapped due to illness, injury and/or birth defect. They didn't ask to have missing limbs or to walk with canes or crutches. Yet, they aren't suing anyone because they can't reach the fucking Cheerios at Safeway.

No.

They usually do this: "Hey dude, can you do me a favor and grab the fucking Cheerios? Thanks!"

Yet these fat fuckers waddle through life blaming everyone and asking for a hand out because they eat at goddamn White Castle every day. They get handicapped placards for their Fatman mobiles. They use the old people power scooter at the grocery store....which isn't even rated for a half a ton. They blame the food companies for making them fat. They blame their employers for discriminating against them.

The list just goes on and on...

I'll admit it. I'm definitely a few pounds heavier than I should be. But you know whose fault that is?

MINE!

Obama Bin Laden didn't come over to my apartment last night and declare a jihad against my waistline and force me to eat those new Oreos that are regular Oreo on one side and golden Oreo on the other.

Nope.

I sat down and turned on the TV and poured myself a glass of milk and ate the fucking cookies.
Me. I did it.
I also ate the pulled pork sandwich at the lunch meeting. I could have had a salad, but I didn't.

I was also a pack a day smoker for more than a decade. So, I guess if I get cancer I can sue Camel.
Everyone else does. They claim they didn't know Camels cause cancer and Big Macs give you heart attacks.

BULLSHIT!!!

People just don't want to take responsibility for the fact that they are fat, nicotine and Vicodin addicted assholes. They just don't.

I once worked for a guy that weighed 400 lbs. No shit.
When I would ride my bike into work he'd always comment that "you'd never see my fat ass on a pedal bike. That's too much work."

And that sir, is precisely why you tip the scales at nearly a quarter ton.

My theory is that it's laziness. It's hard to work all day then go home and prepare a healthy meal. It's easier to get Drive Thru gourmet.
It's hard to go to the gym or go jogging or ride a bike. It's easier to point a Jimmy Dean sausage finger at the world and blame everyone else for your problems.
It's hard to look in the mirror and admit to yourself that you're a big, fat, lazy fuck of a person. It's easier to get a lawyer and sue Burger King for making delicious and addictive treats.

There's nothing wrong with being fat. If you're OK with it, I'm OK with it. But don't go around expecting people to help you because you "handicapped" yourself. That's akin to cutting your own leg off with a chainsaw on purpose then expecting sympathy.

NO motherfucker. YOU did it! YOU cut your leg off. Now hop like a pogo stick, shit head!

Some claim "food addiction." Now I don't know if this is a real condition or not. But let's say it is. Then get help, just like a drug addict or alcoholic. Alcoholics know they can't drink safely, so they stay the fuck out of the bar!
Stay the fuck out of the buffet, and you'll probably be OK.

And stop trying to bullshit people by telling them you like being 100 lbs overweight. Give you curves. Oh bullshit! Nobody likes shopping at the Big and Tall because they are big but not tall.

They oughta start a fucking store called the Short N Fat. I know there have been times when I could have shopped there. That was, until I put down the bacon burger.

Maybe I can get one of those handicapped things for my car because I'm mentally unstable.

HEY! IT'S A HANDICAP!

I might explode on an innocent person on my way through the parking lot. Better get me closer to the door to limit exposure.

Making the World Safer One Idiot At a Time

Kids today (and many adults) cannot drive manual shift cars. Nothing comes with manual shift anymore, so there's no need to learn. Cars have airbags, back up cameras, OnStar (which I'm convinced is a government tracking program) and GPS. There's no reason to be a smart or safe driver or to learn menial things like how to read a map.

We all know that our cars are killing us. But unfortunately, our cars aren't killing us properly. The advent of all this safety gear has rendered good old common sense completely useless. It allows us to get into bad, and dangerous habits because there are no longer consequences like steering columns piercing your chest or dashboards breaking your legs. As new drivers come of age, they learn to drive these technologically advanced autos that do everything for them.

Why look backward when backing up? I have a camera that does that.
Why learn to drive in the snow? I have traction control for that.

It's sad that in the quest to make the roads safer, we've inadvertently made our society just that much dumber. Now kids are shocked when they are sending a text from behind the wheel and wrap their mom's SUV around a telephone pole.

They give you this look that says "OMG WTF?" How the fuck did that happen???

You should not be able to walk away from a 70 MPH impact without some sort of injury. Period.

I don't mean that you should be decapitated. I'm just saying that maybe a bruise or a pulled muscle or something. Some sort of pain to remind you that you are in pain because you are a dumb fuck.

Many parents don't let their kids ride bikes or go snowboarding or do anything else outside for fear that they might get hurt. Yeah, they might. But you know what? That's life kid! Go be a fucking kid and do kid stuff. If you get hurt doing kid stuff, you'll probably remember that and you won't do it again. Unless you're a skater or BMXer or some other "extreme" sports participant. Then you'll figure out where the trick went wrong and you'll try it 1000 times until you get it right.

But you're not the kind of person I'm talking about here so fuck off and go skate.
In this era of sheltering everyone from every thing, we've created a bunch of idiots, pussies and wannabes.

As an avid cyclist, I keep abreast of the cycling accidents and deaths in my area as sort of a grim hobby. It never ceases to amaze me when I go onto craigslist and see some hipster-built brakeless fixie for sale for $100.

Me: "Hey dude, I'm callin' about the fixie for sale. Why you sellin' it?"
SkinnyJeansHipster420: "I got it to ride around town, but I almost got hit by a truck."
Me: "You could just put brakes on it."
SkinnyJeansHipster420: "I thought it would take away from the Zen of riding fixed."
Me:" You're an idiot. I'll give you $50 and you won't have to relive your traumatic near death experience every time you go to the kitchen for some soy milk or a PBR."

I recently read about a local rider who was hit by a commuter train because he blew through the barricade with headphones on and didn't hear the train coming. Must have been fucking blind as well because, well....HOW THE FUCK DO YOU NOT SEE A FUCKING TRAIN??!

A lot of local people tried to blame the city or the train operator.
No.
You idiots.
Blame the moron that ran the red light that didn't see or hear the train.
Blame him you goddamn blame-shifting feel good hippies.

Or the people that are learning to snowboard while wearing the whole NFL protective gear package. I'm all for safety, but there is some level of inherent risk in sports. Well....maybe not golf......
I understand that nobody wants to break an arm at Vail, but you know what? It happens. It's a fact of life.
If you don't want to risk breaking your arm, don't go snowboarding. Take up knitting or something. Then maybe you'll stab yourself.

There is a difference between safety and removing all consequence.

The worst part about all this "safety net" bullshit is that people learn to do everything poorly. They drive poorly, they ride poorly, they even walk poorly. I had a girl walk right out in front of me during traffic hour because she was sending the all important OMG LOL text.

I contemplated hitting her, but I didn't want to dent my car.


Consider "cyber bullying." What the fuck is that?
What happened to Everett Vigil punching the smaller kids and taking their lunch money?

Now some kid creates a website that talks shit about another kid. I bet if Kid #2 broke Kid #1's fucking hands so that he couldn't get on the computer, the "cyber bullying" would stop.
Try creating a website with 10 broken fingers. Unless you're using Dragon, you can't.
And if you are using Dragon, the fucking site won't make any sense anyway.

Just like in the old days (I cannot believe I just typed that) when a bully would confront you, you kick the shit out of him. Or he kicks the shit out of you. Either way, a pecking order is established.

I mean, you can't threaten someone with a cyber fight.
"I'll see you on the virtual playground! My avatar's gonna kill your avatar."

I dunno.
Maybe you can.
All I know is that if my kid ever whined to me about being cyber bullied, I'd kick the shit out of him myself.
The real shit, not the virual kind.

My Ass Hurts for MS Research

As I always do this time of year, I met up with members of Team Pro Bono for the annual MS 150, a charity ride that donates all fundraising proceeds to Multiple Sclerosis research. For those of you who may not know, I have a handful of friends that live with MS, so although I donate my time and money to other non-profits and charities, the MS Ride is my main fundraising focus throughout the year.

It gives me a good excuse to ride my bike, enjoy the company of strangers and help out some friends, what better charity could there be?

This year, Pro Bono took the show on the road and traveled to norther Idaho to participate in the closed course MS 150 that is a 75 mile out and back that runs from BFE, Idaho to Way Past BFE, Idaho. 2011 also welcomed a new member to Pro Bono.
A fellow Delta Chi and former EWU linebacker, Andy Castle brings good humor and good size to the team. He makes an excellent wind block. I hope you continue riding with us in the coming years Mr. Castle, because that stretch between Mt Vernon and Bellingham is always windy.

Much of the team could not attend due to previous engagements or family emergencies.
While it would have been great to have everyone along for the ride, sometimes life happens and that is understandable.

Mr. Castle and I decided to take it upon ourselves to complete all 150 miles on Saturday. We left the hotel room around 4:30 AM, only to find ourselves on a single lane dirt road waiting for Leatherface to hop in the back of the truck. Thanks for that Google Maps. Your sense of humor is stellar.
We ended up doubling back into town to have a look at a sign Andy had pointed out earlier. It very clearly said "TRAIL HEAD" in big letters. Maybe he oughta go work for Google Maps.
We rolled out in the blackness of the Tater Nation pre-dawn, onto a paved bike path that neither of us had every ridden. In true Delta fashion, we relied on small commuter head lights because we didn't want to tote around the extra weight of real headlights and battery packs for 150 miles.

Geniuses.

But, we rode until the sun came up without incident...save for the few times we almost crashed into each other and/or almost rode off the sides of the trail.
About an hour into the ride, we were passed by the only other 2 riders embarking on all 150 miles that day. They stopped ahead of us to take pictures of a bull moose grazing in the marsh next to the trail.

That would be the last time we saw them.

We made it to Mile 75, which was the starting line for the rest of the riders. We regrouped with Kristin and Shari, and hit the road for the ride back. Along the way, we picked up a solo rider looking to draft off big Andy. His name was Roger; a man on the far side of middle aged riding a neon green Kona Jake the Snake cyclocross bike who would not stop talking for the next 4 hours. Literally.
Other than some mild heat stroke, and Roger's incessant yapping, the second leg of the ride was without incident.

Upon our return to the BFE Indian Casino and Hotel, we attended a buffet style dinner where we promptly stuffed our empty stomachs while listening to the evening's speakers.
While most of the speakers were staff and/or volunteers for the MS Society, the speaker that got everyone's attention was a 20 year old kid who is the recipient of this year's MS Society scholarship.
Unfortunately I can't recall his name. :-(
Here is a kid who was diagnosed with MS as a teenager. As if being a teenager or being diagnosed with this mysterious illness isn't enough....no....this kid had both! Now, a sophomore at Montana, he is on his way to studying medicine....to help in MS research.
He received a standing ovation from the crowd and I think it was well deserved.
It was mentioned that Bike MS (MS 150) is the largest fundraising campaign run by the National MS Society. So far we've managed to raise $80MM for Multiple Sclerosis research and to help those living with MS.

And no matter how much your ass hurts from riding all day, doing something that positive makes you feel good.

Send Me Your Money

Dear reader,
I will be taking the next few days off from ranting to participate in the MS 150 charity bicycle ride in northern Idaho. I will be back online Monday Sept. 12th with more rantings.

As many things as I bitch about, I am happy for the fact that I have my health and that most of my physical issues are self inflicted. I look toward people who continue to live their lives to the fullest despite their "disabilities" or "limitations."

I  volunteer my time with great organizations such as the Outdoors For All foundation and the Seattle Slam quad rugby team. Both are great outfits with very inspiring messages for those of us who have full physical and mental capabilities, but find reasons to not live out our lives to the fullest.

I'm a strong believer in volunteering your time and not just throwing money at something to make yourself feel like you've done something. Anyone, including my broke ass, can donate a few bucks here and there. But it takes time, commitment and some emotional involvement to really make a difference in the world. You never understand a problem without really getting involved in it.

I choose to volunteer with these particular organizations because, as a person who enjoys activities that can potentially paralyze me, I like to know what to expect when my day of reckoning comes.

But the Multiple Sclerosis foundation is something a bit more to me.

A close family friend was diagnosed with MS when I was just a kid. I didn't know what it was or what it meant at the time. All I knew was that this once healthy and vibrant woman began to have issues with simple things like climbing a set of stairs. She was always tired. Then one day she began to use a cane to help her walk. Then it was a walker. Like an old lady.

But she was only in her late 30's or early 40's.

This scared me. The fact that nobody knew what MS really was or what had caused it really fucked with my head.
Remember that this was the late 1980's and AIDS was the big, new, scary disease. For all I knew, MS and AIDS were the same thing!


A few years ago, I found out that a friend of mine from college has been living with MS for about a decade now. So the way I see it, the least I can do is help raise money for MS research. A day or two suffering on a bicycle is nothing compared to what these two tough ladies have to endure every day.

The difference is that, I suffer for one weekend a year. These two live with this disease every day of their lives.

Multiple Sclerosis is a terrible disease that can and will cause loss of movement and paralysis, even blindness.
It's cause is unknown. It affects all kinds of people in all walks of life. No two cases are exactly alike.
The Pacific Northwest, and Washington State in particular, has the highest known MS rate of anywhere in the U.S.A.

Multiple Sclerosis could hit you or me at any time. I hope it doesn't. But it could....

To learn more about MS, please visit the National MS Society.

Please visit this site to donate to my fundraising and cycling team.

See you next week!

Go To School Get a Job

I recently turned 35. I look back on my life and if I had to do it all over again, there are certainly some things I would have done differently. But there are a lot of things I wouldn't have changed.

As is fairly common in people of my age bracket, I am nowhere near as professionally or financially successful as I thought I'd be at this point in my life. That is due to a number of variables, some I could have affected, some I could not have. Sure I like my job well enough....well....I like my boss well enough, the job is decent because my boss is decent this time around. The same cannot be said for previous employment choices.

I somehow fell into the job path I've pretty much been in for the last 5 years or so by accident. I thought I was on my way toward gaining good experience and making some good upward progress until I lost my job a couple of years back. Sitting down and hammering out resumes all day long gave me time to reflect on what I really wanted to do with my life. And I came to the following conclusion:

I still have no idea what I want to be when I grow up.

Some people have certain "callings" in life, or so they say. I've never had that. There are a lot of things I enjoy, but unfortunately the things I enjoy have never panned out to profitable opportunities.

So I'm here, like millions of Americans in a job that isn't really where I want to be, but it pays well enough that I'm content for the time being.

As a kid in the 1980's and 1990's I had illusions of grandeur that someday I'd be the high powered CEO or the high priced lawyer. I had gotten good grades until I went to college. I bumbled around for a few years while I drank massive quantities of alcohol laden beverages, trying to figure what I wanted to do. I wanted to write.....but that doesn't get you a job. I wanted to make films...but that doesn't get you a job. After all, going to college is about getting a job, right? Isn't that why you spend all that money?

That's what I thought because that is what I had been told by everyone in my family, including the ones who never went to college.

And I found out that they were wrong.

If you enter an institute of higher learning with the sole intentions on getting a job, then find out what is trending in the job market, study your ass off even if it is in a subject you do not enjoy in the least bit, participate in every extracurricular activity you can get into, work a full time job and graduate cum lade. You will find a job when you exit school.
Of course you may also end up being miserable and shoving a shotgun in your own mouth when you realize that you've spend the formative years of your life doing what everyone else wanted you to do.

College shouldn't be about finding a job....at least that should not be anyones complete focus and rationale upon entering college. What you learn in the classroom is only a small portion of what you really learn in college. Kids should explore opportunities they are not afforded in high school. Go ahead, take that underwater basket weaving class. Who knows? Maybe that will be your calling. If you find out that you had some underlying basket weaving talent that was never exposed, was it worth taking that class and pursuing that passion?

I think so.

Join that frat house, drink too much once in a while (but not all the time!) and have those stupid drunken "I was in college" stories to share with your friends throughout the years.

People need to experience college. It's more than just classes, term papers and GPA's for most people. There are social aspects to get involved in, life lessons to be learned. Ramen noodles cooked 14 different ways.

For some people, it's only about classes, term papers and GPAs. We call those people nerds.

And you know what? There's nothing wrong with being a nerd either. People that become billionaire software and internet tycoons were/are nerds. So don't pick on the nerd at the frat party, he's going to be your signing your paychecks one day.

In my experience, the things you learn in college outside of the classroom are much more valuable than what you take away from analyzing Beowulf. I never once been asked about the things I learned within the classroom walls of my Alma matter. Not once.

One aspect of college that I wish I would have taken advantage of was networking. I'm not talking about Facebook or Twitter. I mean real  interaction with real people. You never know who you're going to meet. Some of the people I met in college were relatives of high-powered business owners, some are now radio and entertainment personalities and others are business owners.

You never know who you are going to meet.

Unfortunately I didn't realize the value of networking until later in life and believe me, I leverage it when I can. That being said, I  also do what I can to help out others within my circles.

But not everyone can go to college or should go to college and people who go to college don't necessarily need to go right after high school.
Maybe I was one of those people.


It was. Or so I thought.

What it really came down to was that my parents had told me that they would help pay for college if I enrolled after high school. If I waited, I would be on my own.

So I went directly to college, I didn't pass go and I didn't collect $200.
I also didn't go to class.

For the number of years I was in school, I should have "Dr." in front of my name.
But I don't.

And I don't have M.B.A, PhD., Esquire, M.F.A, M.D or C.P.A. after it either.

I often wonder what life would have been like had I not attended college or if I would have waited until I had some life experience under my belt. I certainly wouldn't have the debt I currently carry around every month. It's like a $500 a month period without the blood. I get moody and irritable every month when I have to pay that bill.
I'm pretty confident that I would still be in the same tax bracket had I not gone to school.

There are plenty of trades to learn and other industries where you can still rise to the top with little or no education at all: retail, the food industry, sales.  Some of the best sales people I know never went to college and many barely made it through high school. Sales is a talent that is groomed from natural ability, it isn't something you can teach in a classroom.

As I said, what you learn in the classroom is only a fraction of what you really learn in college, and you'll never use most of that shit anyway. Especially the crap you learn in your first 2 years of school.

I realize that the 100 and 200 level classes are the prerequisites to entering your major, but let's face it, most of it is just an extension of the worthless crap you learned in high school. I know some schools are actually structured in the opposite manner: you take your major first, then take the bullshit in your last couple of years. Schools are now offering credits for life experience.

I think that should be more commonplace. Even today, you learn more on the job than you do in the classroom in most cases. And let's face it, there are a lot of crappy teachers and professors out there that have never tried or never succeeded at anything else professionally.

So who the fuck are they to teach you how to do succeed?

With the exception of a few subjects such as math, life and business cannot be learned from a book. In fact, what the book tells you is often wrong. The theories were written by those same people who never ventured outside of the classroom.

My two favorite professors in college weren't even "real" professors. Neither had a doctorate at the time, but both had careers previous to entering the teaching profession. They didn't dictate to the class from a book religiously. Most of the time, their classes revolved around real-world projects with real local and national schools and businesses.

That is how college should be taught. In the real world. Let students experience what it's really like to work in certain industries. Require them to do internships, useful internships, not bullshit internships selling tickets for the Spokane Indians games.

I would much rather work for a person who has experience and expertise in their field as opposed to a freshly minted MBA. I've worked for both, and I'll never pick working for the kid fresh out of grad school. Ever.

People should go to school for two reasons: to learn new things or to supplement knowledge they already have. Study for enjoyment not for employment. If you enjoy what you do, the employment will follow.

I'd Rather Watch Football...and I Don't Even Like Football

President Barack Obama is scheduled to give his hoorah let's go create some jobs speech next week, which also coincides with the NFL season opener. I'd rather watch football...and I don't even like football.
While Mr. Obama gave some great hoorah speeches while on the campaign trail, his sustenance has been disappointing to put it mildly. "Oh it's the Republicans fault!" they cry.

Oh bullshit.

Think about this: who embodies the furthest thing from a rich, mumbling not so bright white guy?
That's right! A "self made," articulate black guy!

He was put in office to pacify the people in the wake of all the shit Lil Bush stirred up.
Yes I said put in office, as in installed. Don't kid yourselves people, your votes don't matter as much as you would like to think they do. They really don't matter at all. The people who still believe that their single vote makes a difference are the same people that believe gas prices aren't fixed and that the president really IS there to represent the people.

But I digress. This entry is about jobs, and not fixed elections.

I have a friend who has been out of work for 2 years now. It's not that he hasn't been looking, but he keeps getting doors closed in his face because people say he's been out of the job market for too long.

What do you do?

You lose your job. You try to find another job during some of the worst economic times in modern American history along with thousands of others looking for work as well. So you continue looking and at some point you begin to get the "you've been out of the industry for too long" line.

Let me tell you about my job hunting experience during this New Economy.

I lost my job just before the summer in 2009.
I honestly wasn't too worried about the situation because after all, this is Seattle. We were a year or two behind the recession bubble, so even then, you could walk out of one job and have another before you reached the other side of the street.

Or so I thought.

Some friends had helped me get potential interviews for sales positions at a few companies, but I hate sales. Hate it. So I thought I'd hold out and look for something I wanted to do.

But as I began looking, I started getting emails and phone calls from friends in the same or similar industries as mine, similar job titles as mine...all getting downsized and laid off. It was like we were a bunch of dominoes falling one by one with no arms or legs to help ourselves up.

We all got together once a week or so to carpool to various job fairs. I think it was more of a social outing than anything because anyone who has ever been to a job fair will tell you that all the jobs at the job fair is like all the stuff at the swap meet. It's shit nobody else wants and shit you don't want.

It was when the lines at the job fairs began to stretch for entire city blocks that reality really hit that everyone was out of work from entry level kids to seasoned professionals.

You know somethings wrong when you have to RSVP for a job fair. That's fucked.

So we quit going to job fairs. We shared ideas over email and on Facebook. My friend and former co-worker got together once in awhile to run errands because we lived up street from each other. But really, after a few months of sitting in front of the computer hammering out resumes and cover letters day in and day out, you reach a point where you don't want anything to do with the outside world.

You don't want to hear about the fucked up economy because you're there living it. You don't want to hear the traffic report because you wish you were commuting to work. You don't want to hear about the world's problems because just dealing with your own shit is a full time job in and of itself. You go to bed every night hoping you'll wake up the next morning with that magic email in your inbox telling you that Company X would like to bring you on full time at a salary that was similar to the one you had before.

It never happens.

I sent out nearly 2000 emails in the course of a few months and only landed a handful of interviews. Of those interviews, two were willing to pay me half of what I made before....which was on par with what unemployment paid. One led me through a series of three interviews only to tell me that they wanted to hire me but couldn't afford me.
I thought to myself "well, if you pay more than unemployment, I'm willing to negotiate."
The last interview, which was for a position that I actually wanted and that actually paid me on par with what I had previously made, called me to extend a job offer only to rescind a few days later, stating that they were now on a hiring freeze due to lack of sales.

It was all very disconcerting.

I created a personalized website showcasing my accomplishments and some of my "talents," I tried to start a business with a couple of former colleagues which is hard when nobody in the group has a real source of income.

It's tough to get a bank loan when you're broke, which is ironic, because if I had money, I wouldn't have needed the loan. Motherfuckers.

After a few months of being unemployed, the "advice" from family members began to roll in.

Let me pause for this commercial break:

"Oh you should go back to school."
I'd like to, but I already have student loan debt and I'm not looking to add to that. Because if and when I do find another job, I'LL HAVE EVEN MORE LOANS TO PAY BACK!

"You should start your own business."
Please refer to previous rant about being broke and getting a bank loan.

"You should take a part time job or whatever comes along just to show you've been working."

This.

This is the biggest conundrum in the history of unemployment. You can't take the part time job because you can't afford to. I mean, you literally can't afford to. If you can afford to pay your bills on a $10 an hour part time job, then you don't have shit to worry about. You'll never be in this boat and maybe we should all take a lesson from you. But if you're like the other 99.9% of the people in this country, then you have bills to pay and $10 an hour at 20 hours a week just won't cut it. You're better off financially staying unemployed.

I know, because I made that mistake. Believe me, that's one mistake I'll never make again! After I realized that the unemployment checks were bigger than my employment checks, I scrambled to find another job....or to lose the current part time one I had.

The other side of the dish is this: if you take a part time job at the local supermarket or coffee shop or whatever happens to be in your neighborhood and it has nothing to do with what you did before in your professional life, you're better off staying home. Because the minute you put that on your resume or someone asks you "what have you been doing with your down time" and you tell them you've been making lattes, they're going to ask you "well, what the fuck does that have to with (insert previous profession here)?"

The obvious answer is nothing, and they know the answer is nothing. It's as if they ask you that just to hear some bullshit answer for their own amusement.

When I was asked that question I always wanted to answer with, "nothing motherfucker! And you know it has nothing to do with what I'd been doing  for the last five years before I lost my job. I just got sick and tired of sending out fucking resumes all day long and getting fucking nowhere!"

I still do.

"You need to target your cover letters and resumes better and you'll have more bites."
This may be bullshit. May not be. I've seen it work, and I've seen it become the biggest waste of time. I tried to tailor my documents for the first few months, but after awhile of getting nowhere, you just want to hit as many places as possible so you pull out the shotgun.

I eventually landed a job that paid enough to pay the bills. After a year of searching. It wasn't a job I wanted or a job that I ever thought I'd have.

Nope.

After spending half a decade trying to position myself for a decent career in IT procurement and product sourcing, I became an exterminator.

Yep. Bug man.

Well, actually I was a bug killing manager. But that's akin to being a fast food manager. Any way you slice the deli meat, you're still a peon at the end of the day. I still crawled under people's homes and got covered in rat shit.

So I spent a year killing bugs and rodents while I looked for another job to actually get back on track with my career when I stumbled onto a job opening that happened to be with a company a friend of mine and former co-worker worked for.

Sometimes it's not what you know.

Of course, when I interviewed for the position, they asked me what killing bugs and rats has to do with IT procurement.....

Now I have a job....for the next year. It's a 1 year contract and there is no guarantee that the contract will be renewed. They didn't renew the contract for the guy before me...or the guy before him... So now I think about what's going to happen next year. Will I be in that long unemployment line with my buddy?

It's very possible. Probably pretty likely.
But I'll enjoy what I have for now and try not to worry too much....

So I'll start looking again in the next month or so in hopes that I can line something else up.
If not, then it's back to government cheese and Ramen.

Maybe by then I'll finally be in a position to sell everything and go live on a beach in some country somewhere that you've never heard of.

But until then, I'll skip the President's bullshit speeches on how he's trying to create jobs and I'll watch football instead.

Christopher Columbus Was a Dope Dealer

Like most Americans, I spent my formative years in the public school system. The product of a military family, I attended schools in a few different states and I can attest that there are historical descrepaancies abound. For example, while most of the country celebrates Columbus Day, parts of the Norwegian-heavy midwest celebrate Leif Erikson Day stating that the Italian born Spanish sponsored Columbus was not the first to reach the shores of the modern day United States.
In other states where there is a large Mormon population, the history books read that the Mormon missionaries actually paved the way to the West rather than Lewis and Clark.

What ever happened to the seperation of church and state? And why can't our public schools decide on the history of this supposedly once great land?

In any case neither explorers discovered this mass of land. There were already people here....and they probably stole it from the people that were here before them.

Let me be perfectly honest: if I knew I could kick your ass and steal your house on the beach, I would.
If I had the financial backing to start my own country and make my own rules, I would.

I'm not in the least bit convinced that the whole "discovery" of America was due to an error when scouting a new shipping route for spices. I'm pretty convinced that Columbus was looking for new land to cultivate poppies....opium.

Why?
Two reasons:
1) You can't convince me that ships known to be far from watertight and notroiously infested with rats and disease were to be entrusted with perishable goods for the Queen.

I call bullshit.

2) Evidence of opium use and cultivation  in Europe dates back to 4000 BC. It is a well known fact that the British were the largest market for Asian opium. In fact, the East India Company (the very same that is credited as having been responsible for  the Boston Tea Party) was the largest shipper of Asian and Indian grown opium to Great Britain during the 17th and 18th centuries. One can argue that this was hundreds of years after Columbus. But the fact still remains that the British Empire was largely funded by the drug trade and suspicion and common sense tell me that the empire was not new to this economic model.
Besides, when was the last time you heard of anyone killing for cinnamon? But people get killed over drugs all over the world every day. Always have and always will.
I don't think it was a coincedence that Columbus landed in the Bahamas. Seems like a good climate to grow opium...I mean, spices....

Washington D.C. was supposedly named for Columbus. Why then, isn't it called the District of Columbus? Why the District of Columbia....a country famous for drugs?


I think Erikson, on the other hand, was trying to circumnavigate via the Arctic Circle. Rumor has it that once the crew spotted land, Erikson made them continue on until they nearly ran out of food.
If you were merely trying to discover new lands why the fuck would you keep sailing through the goddamn arctic waters once you had spotted land?! Let's not

Maybe someone had ulterior motives.

Let's not forget that the founders of this country were all wealthy men who were supposedly fleeing religious persecution.

Wealthy.

As Chris Rock said: "I'm not talking about rich, I'm talking about wealth. Shaq is rich. The white man that signs his check is wealthy."

Face it, nobody ever became wealthy completely honestly. I think Warren Buffet just hides it better than the others.

But then so did Edmund McIhenney...until the book came out.

Money CAN Buy Happiness....You Just Need to Know How to Shop

Even Forbes magazine says that money can't buy happiness.
But The Raving Lunatic begs to differ.

It isn't so much that money can buy you happiness, but being flat dead broke is certain to put you on a path to misery. If you've ever been in the situation where you have to decide whether to pay bills or to eat, it's not a fun place to be. Certainly not a happy place to be....unless you have the right drugs, but even those cost money lest you want the dopeman on your doorstep at 4 in the morning with a shotgun.

I'm not talking about those times in college that you ate Ramen noodles and drank 99 cent 40 ounce bottle of Lucky lager from the discount grocery store that sold green meat (and I mean rotten "green" not eco-hippie "green"). No, I'm talking about actual survival. If you have ever lost a job, or had a spouse lose their job or been in the situation where your income was either drastically reduced or cut off entirely, THAT is the kind of broke I'm writing about.  The kind of broke where your stuff begins to get repossessed or your lights get turned off.

THAT kind of broke.

Thanks to our wonderful New Economy (I love that marketing term. Government speak for "all the billionaires are fucking you), this has become a very real situation for many who never thought they would be in that situation.

I've been there myself.
It ain't fun.

Currently, I work in a pretty affluent suburb of Seattle. While running some errands the other day, I saw a woman holding a sign on a freeway off ramp: "Lost My Job. Kids to Feed. I Never Thought I'd Be Here."
I would guess that she was in her mid to late 20's, dressed as many middle-class women in that age group dress. Designer jeans, nice blouse, those ballet style shoes that bug the crap out of me.

But she was balling her eyes out as she paced up and down the on ramp with this sign. She was crying the kind of tears one might cry after watching their family get butchered by O.J.

There are thousands of people who, through no fault of their own, are finding themselves having to resort to things they never thought they would have to do as a result of our New Economy while the billionaires continue to profit off of everyone else's struggles.

We've all heard the stories of the Depression era people who have money in shoe boxes or curtain rods because they don't trust the banks or the market, the people who are so cheap you can hear them squeak when they reach into their pockets.

That's me.

I drive a car that's almost old enough to have it's own driver's license. I wash it and wax it and maintain it religiously so that it will last another decade.....besides, just because your car is old doesn't mean it has to look like shit. On the rare occasions that I buy new clothes, it's always off the sale rack or from the discount stores. I buy my outdoor in the off seasons. When I do go out on the town it's because I have a Groupon to someplace.

Why?

Because I've been on the brink of losing what I have. I've had my car repossessed. I've been evicted because I couldn't pay rent. Granted, many of those situations were due to the fact that I didn't manage my own finances very well. But I guarantee that when the repo man drags your  car off in the middle of the night, the feeling is still the same no matter whose fault it is. You get sick inside when you come home to the little boot thing that prevents you from opening the front door of your apartment and the big yellow eviction notice no matter whose fault it is.

While it may be true that money can't buy happiness, having enough money to live on without having to worry about your next meal or paying the bills certainly relieves a lot of stress, and that in and of itself is happiness. Having enough financial well being to be able to do things you enjoy is happiness.

While I might be happier with a brand new Porsche parked in the garage of my beach front bungalow, it isn't about the things. It's about knowing that you can afford to get by day to day without having to stand on an off ramp in the suburbs holding a sign up and crying your eyes out to feed your family.

That is the kind of happiness that only money can bring.