Money CAN Buy Happiness....You Just Need to Know How to Shop

Even Forbes magazine says that money can't buy happiness.
But The Raving Lunatic begs to differ.

It isn't so much that money can buy you happiness, but being flat dead broke is certain to put you on a path to misery. If you've ever been in the situation where you have to decide whether to pay bills or to eat, it's not a fun place to be. Certainly not a happy place to be....unless you have the right drugs, but even those cost money lest you want the dopeman on your doorstep at 4 in the morning with a shotgun.

I'm not talking about those times in college that you ate Ramen noodles and drank 99 cent 40 ounce bottle of Lucky lager from the discount grocery store that sold green meat (and I mean rotten "green" not eco-hippie "green"). No, I'm talking about actual survival. If you have ever lost a job, or had a spouse lose their job or been in the situation where your income was either drastically reduced or cut off entirely, THAT is the kind of broke I'm writing about.  The kind of broke where your stuff begins to get repossessed or your lights get turned off.

THAT kind of broke.

Thanks to our wonderful New Economy (I love that marketing term. Government speak for "all the billionaires are fucking you), this has become a very real situation for many who never thought they would be in that situation.

I've been there myself.
It ain't fun.

Currently, I work in a pretty affluent suburb of Seattle. While running some errands the other day, I saw a woman holding a sign on a freeway off ramp: "Lost My Job. Kids to Feed. I Never Thought I'd Be Here."
I would guess that she was in her mid to late 20's, dressed as many middle-class women in that age group dress. Designer jeans, nice blouse, those ballet style shoes that bug the crap out of me.

But she was balling her eyes out as she paced up and down the on ramp with this sign. She was crying the kind of tears one might cry after watching their family get butchered by O.J.

There are thousands of people who, through no fault of their own, are finding themselves having to resort to things they never thought they would have to do as a result of our New Economy while the billionaires continue to profit off of everyone else's struggles.

We've all heard the stories of the Depression era people who have money in shoe boxes or curtain rods because they don't trust the banks or the market, the people who are so cheap you can hear them squeak when they reach into their pockets.

That's me.

I drive a car that's almost old enough to have it's own driver's license. I wash it and wax it and maintain it religiously so that it will last another decade.....besides, just because your car is old doesn't mean it has to look like shit. On the rare occasions that I buy new clothes, it's always off the sale rack or from the discount stores. I buy my outdoor in the off seasons. When I do go out on the town it's because I have a Groupon to someplace.

Why?

Because I've been on the brink of losing what I have. I've had my car repossessed. I've been evicted because I couldn't pay rent. Granted, many of those situations were due to the fact that I didn't manage my own finances very well. But I guarantee that when the repo man drags your  car off in the middle of the night, the feeling is still the same no matter whose fault it is. You get sick inside when you come home to the little boot thing that prevents you from opening the front door of your apartment and the big yellow eviction notice no matter whose fault it is.

While it may be true that money can't buy happiness, having enough money to live on without having to worry about your next meal or paying the bills certainly relieves a lot of stress, and that in and of itself is happiness. Having enough financial well being to be able to do things you enjoy is happiness.

While I might be happier with a brand new Porsche parked in the garage of my beach front bungalow, it isn't about the things. It's about knowing that you can afford to get by day to day without having to stand on an off ramp in the suburbs holding a sign up and crying your eyes out to feed your family.

That is the kind of happiness that only money can bring.

Yer a Dummie

I'm not sure when they ceased the teachings of proper spelling and grammar of the English language in schools, but I wish they would start again. The constant and liberal use of apostrophes in plurals makes me want to set a bag of dog poo on someones doorstep and then light their house on fire.

Their. Not they're nor there. But over here not over hear despite what you may have overheard.

Basic communication skills are an integral part of life. Written communications skills, in my opinion, should be emphasized in school at all levels. When I read college term papers and see the misuse of apostrophes and just plain bad grammar, it makes me think the author is a complete fucking moron.
Maybe they are and maybe they are not. But the perception is already there. If you can't even put together a coherent, intelligent sentence, I don't even want to deal with you.

Some argue that spelling, like math, is not everyone's forte. That is true. But unlike obscure mathematical subjects such as the value of pi, basic grammar and spelling are used by everyone every day. The worst part of the situation is receiving emails that resemble text messages sent by a 14 year old girl.

Yet even worse, is that the teachers are letting these things slide by at every level, including the collegiate. Does that mean our teachers are fucking morons as well?

Quite possibly.
I'm going to get a lot of shit for saying this, but fuck it. Intelligent teachers are few and far between.

Most teachers I know and have had the experience of dealing with in the past can regurgitate the bull crap written in the pages of the schoolbooks, and that's where their expertise ends.
That's it.
Nothing more to add.
If I wanted to read the textbook verbatim, I could have done that myself. No teacher needed.
Sadly, it seems that many of our teachers have failed at other endeavors and thus became teachers or they never even ventured into the real world to do anything at all.
Their entire lives from age 5 to adulthood has taken place inside classrooms.

That's not to say there aren't good teachers and even great teachers in the seas of mediocrity. I'm just saying those teachers are rare.

I don't have kids, so I'm not as attuned to what's going on in the schools as I was when I was, say, 17. However, I've noticed a downward spiral of spelling and grammar in the workplace in recent years, which is where you should be on your best behavior.....or at least that's my theory.

I don't think the kids are getting dumber, I think the schools are getting worse.

God is Not An Old White Man

I've never believed in God.
Well....maybe not never.
I haven't believed in God since I was about 12 and my parents gave me the option of no longer having to go to church with them on Sundays. That was a tough decision: go to church and listen to some boring sermon about some shit that bore me to sleep, get scolded by my Bible thumping mother because I fell asleep, then endure Sunday school with kids I couldn't stand to be around learning about some anorexic hippie who had a bunch of followers for no apparent reason.
A man who created a movement that hates Jews.....even though he was supposedly a Jew himself.
Makes sense right?

I could do that or I could stay home with my older brother who didn't give a shit what I did. The parents would go to church, my brother would go to his friend's house or wherever it is they went on Sundays, and I'd go hiking or ride my bike.

The fact that church is boring and Sunday school is an extension of regular school, only with God books instead of math books has nothing to do with my lack of believing in God.  I don't believe in God because the story doesn't add up.
If I told you that aliens visited us years ago and gave us the technology and the belief systems we have today, you'd call me a fuckin' lunatic. But I'm supposed to believe that some bearded white man who lives in the clouds created Carmen Electra from Adam Ant's rib?
I call bullshit.
In fact, if women really were derived from men, then wouldn't that make us all homosexuals?

Which is, in fact, frowned upon by the Church even though many a priest and preacher-man has used the power of the pulpit for their own twisted homosexual, child molesting deviance.

Some will argue that god didn't really create Carmen from Adam's rib....not literally. It's a translation issue. Just like the whole God created the world in 6 days yet it's taken the city of Seattle 10 years to come up with a solution for the Alaskan Way viaduct issue and they haven't even started implementing said solution, they've just talked about it and fleeced the people into voting for it.

I say, then get a new fucking translator. Shit, all the billions of people who speak all the different languages in this world and y'all motherfuckers can't find one single accurate translator in two thousand years?!!!

Yet you want me to follow your teachings.
That's like following FIAT blindly into the automotive industry.

"What's wrong  FIAT Jesus?"
"Fucking car won't start. But you should learn from me."

"What's wrong FIAT Jesus?"
"Fucking car won't STOP!!!!!! Ahhhh, we're all gonna die!!!!! You should ride with me."

"What's wrong FIAT Jesus?"
"Fucking car's on fire. Hey man, would you mind walking up to QFC and picking me up some quinoa? Here's 5 bucks, you should follow me."

And so on and so forth.

Let me also point out that I have never met a white guy named Jesus. I know a Mexican who spells his name J-e-s-u-s, but he pronounces it "hey Zeus" and builds killer lowriders down in south Tacoma. If you like custom cars, you should check out his shop.

Any way, I remember I asked a Sunday school teacher once before I stopped going why, if God is all powerful, all knowing and the all-time hit maker, are there all these problems in the world?
She told me because God gave us free will and people sometimes make bad decisions.

For such a smart guy, that sure was a fucking stupid move on God's part then, wasn't it?

And at what point did God realize that giving us free will maybe wasn't the best move? And why didn't he fix it? And why, if there is only one supposed God, are there all these other people in the world who believe in other Gods?
And why is Jesus always white in the paintings? Did God flunk Geography in school?

There's no way Jesus was white if he really was from Jerusalem....which is in Israel....and he wasn't black either for all you black power motherfuckers reading this.

He probably looked more like Osama Bin Laden than anything.

I mean, if we all descended from the same couple, then we should all share the same story and the same history and the same lineage which would make us all a bunch of inbred like-minded homosexuals.

But we're not.
At least I'm not.....homosexual that is. But some of my friends are.
But my gay friends aren't inbred....at least I don't think they are. One's Cuban, so I dunno about him...

And if we're all descended from the same two people how come there are black people and white people and Chinese people and Inuit people and Tongan people and why do the British talk funny and drive on the wrong side of the road?

Allow me to elaborate: if I have two black Labrador retrievers and I breed them, I'm most likely going to get:
Anyone? Anyone?
Bueller? Bueller? Bueller?

Black Lab puppies! That's right!

And if I breed those puppies, I'll get more black Lab puppies and so on an so forth.
At no fucking point will a goddamn grey poodle pop out of one of those puppies. Unless one of those Lab bitches has been fuckin' around with the dog next door.
At some point however, the dogs may end up resembling Sloth from the Goonies due to all the inbreeding.
At that point, even the religious nuts will tell me it's because people have adapted to living in different environments and that's why there are black people and white and Chinese people and British people who talk funny and drive on the wrong side of the road.

Ahhh...evolution.
But I thought you didn't believe in evolution?
Hypocrite.

They preach peace and harmony, yet more wars are fought in the name of religion than any other reason...including money. People are persecuted by religious fanatics because of cultural or religious differences.
They even supposedly killed Jesus for fuck's sake!
How is that love and harmony and understanding?

It still happens today. Homophobia, racism, sexual discrimination are all ammo that religious nuts use against us. Granted, the act of retaliation against things we don't understand is human nature and I can't fault anyone for that.
I can fault people for causing harm to others due to those prejudices.

I'm not here preaching that the churches are all hate and I am the all knowing all understanding. Quite to the contrary. There are certain types of people I don't like and I'm pretty fucking blatant about it.
But I'm not lynching people because of it. Some days I'd like to, but I don't.

The difference is, I'll tell you I don't like you and why I don't like you. I won't try to make you see my way because I've got more important things to do today like scratch my ball sac.

So don't ask me if I've found god, because maybe god doesn't want to be found. Maybe he's tired of everyone bugging him. Maybe he finally realized the mistakes he's made and he's tapping away on his Texas Instruments scientific calculator trying to get it all figured out. But wait....I thought He knew everything? Everything!

Or maybe he's just a character in a story like Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny or Jason Voorhies.

You Should Fear Prison....But You Don't

The United States has more prisoners than any other country in the world. Many of them are harmless stoners who got caught with pot or other drugs. We imprison these people for long periods of time, which costs you and me a lot of money. How much? Nobody seems to know. That's the funny part. Like everything controlled by the governments, estimates vary all the way from $8000---$45,000 a year per prisoner.
I'm bad at math and even I know somebody fucked up on the accounting....or somebody's hiding something.
In any case, these people are put in prison for years at a time. The idea is that they will sit there and learn a lesson. Like when your mom used to ground you or take your TV away. Except these people are grounded with other people who got grounded for the same thing....for years.
Years!
So you're in this little confined area with the same people day in and day out and eventually you're going to run out of things to talk about and things to do.  Even as a kid, boredom led me down the path of destruction. My friends and I figured out how to make explosives from once harmless fountains and sparklers and thus commenced blowing shit up. My friend's mother's rose garden, another friend's parents back yard, the neighbors mailbox were all victims of our high explosive shenanigans.

We were 12 and we had plenty of things to do: motorcycles, bicycles, skateboards, video games. My family wasn't ever rich, but let's just say I wasn't deprived of fun as a kid.

Once we'd crashed the motorcycles, ridden our bicycles, skated our boards and conquered Mario Brothers, we got bored again...and that led us to figuring out how to turn good wholesome family fun into blow your fucking hands off dangerous weapons.
We also shot each other with BB guns, but I think that falls under the same line of thinking.

What I'm getting at here is that we were little kids with all sorts of outlets for entertainment. Just imagine that same thought process in a roomful of like minded adults that have years of nothing but time on their hands.

Imagine the consequences.

As George Jung said: "I went in with a Bachelor's of Marijuana and came out with a PhD in cocaine."

And why wouldn't you?
Let's face it, nobody wants to hire a felon. Some say ex-felon, but no, you're a felon forever and for always. It's not like bad credit where it drops off your record after 7 years. The only job you're ever going to get is as a line cook in a kitchen somewhere making barely over minimum wage.

I bet you're going to back to crime to pay the bills. I know I would.

So what's the solution?
It's actually pretty easy if you ask me.
First, stop imprisoning people for victimless crimes like selling dope. I know I know. I can already hear the cries of the conservatives, the liberals, the Bible thumpers and the soccer moms.

"But selling drugs is a crime and not a victimless crime! Drugs make drug addicts..." blah blah blah.
First of all, drugs are a product, a commodity like anything else. Whether the government deems them legal or not is irrelevant because people are going to buy them regardless of what the law says.
As an FYI: marijuana is technically legal in the U.S....you just have to acquire a tax stamp....which is next to impossible.
Secondly, drugs don't create drug addicts...except for maybe meth...but who knows what the fuck is in that shit. In any case, you have the power to make the decision to do said drugs or not do said drugs.

Your choice.

The drugs aren't going to find there way into your cupboard and oh shit I thought I thought I put creamer in my coffee, but turns out it was blow.
And even if it did happen, I would hope you know the difference in taste between cocaine and creamer. Even if you don't know what blow tastes like, I would hope you could at least distinguish for yourself that the coke ain't creamer.

That bullshit After School Special shit where little Tommy instantly becomes uncool because he wouldn't smoke a joint at the party?
Not true. Let me tell you how it really happens:

"Here man, smoke this." Bobby tries to hand Tommy the joint.
"What is it?" Tommy asks with innocent, wide eyed curiosity.
"It's weed man. Got it from my brother."
"Uh, no way Bobby. Drugs are bad!"
"Alright. Fuck you. More for me."

More. For. Me.

That is how that conversation goes. Always. Every time, and believe me, I've had that conversation more than a few times with people...and you can replace weed with any other drug or even booze.

So, stop putting these people behind bars. Cigarettes and alcohol both kill millions of people a year. But the guy at the corner store that sold you the 6 pack and the box of Winstons doesn't go to jail. If you become an alcoholic or die from lung cancer, nobody shuts down all the corner stores in the nation.

But maybe they should.

As for the real offenders, the violent offenders, the sexual predators, the child molesters.
Easy.
Shoot 'em.

I know I know. "But that's inhumaaaaaaaaaane!!!!"

You know what?
Fuck you.

If you think what some of these sickos did is humane then you're as fucked up as they are. And if you think the right thing to do is spend money on keeping these fuckers alive, maybe we ought to put you in a cell with them for a day or two and see if that won't change your mind.

Or better yet, let them molest your child or kill your spouse and see if that don't change your way of thinking a wee bit.

I've never been to prison, but I've been to jail. Going to jail isn't a big deal. Who you meet in jail...well...that might lead to another story....or the end of your life's story.

To the religious nuts that say "it's not for us to judge, it's for god to judge," let me make this perfectly clear: I don't believe in god. Not Jesus, not Mohammed, not Sheba and not the almighty dollar.
But if I did, I would have this to say: God created us in His image. Therefore, if He has the power to judge, so do I and my gavel is a Mossberg motherfucker.

Or what about this as a cost effective solution: we have all this deserted desert land....maybe that's why it's called the desert. Just a thought.
Let's rope some of it off, bury some land mines and drop the criminals in the middle of it like they do to soldiers in war theaters. Put 'em in a plane, toss them out of the plane and here you go.
No food.
No water.
If you make it out alive, you get to re-enter society. You're still a felon, but I bet you wouldn't want to go back to prison.

And that's what prison should be: a deterrent, not a housing facility. You shouldn't want to go to prison. You should fear it.

But you don't.....

THC is not PCP

Marijuana is NOT a gateway drug.
Let me repeat that.
Marijuana is NOT a gateway drug.

I can tell you that from experience because I've tried most of them. Uppers, downers, hallucinogens, pills, powders, I even had some shit in a capsule that made you go sideways and upside down but not diagonally into space or back in time.
I spent a good number of years without a single completely sober day.

If you don't believe me, I can show you the scars and the legal bills to prove it.

If you can smoke it, swallow it, sniff it or drink it I've probably tried it....except for crack....and PCP
Crack's whack.
And heroin. I have a gnarly phobia of needles.

Anyway, I quit that shit years ago. Drugs are bad, mmmkay?

But weed's not.

I didn't stop smoking weed to sober up and get clarity. I didn't stop smoking weed because it was making me miss work and ruining me financially. I didn't quit smoking weed because I got high one night and punched a hole through the wall.
I didn't quit smoking weed because of the ill after and side effects.
Nope.
I stopped smoking weed because I fall asleep.
Why spend money for good weed if you can't enjoy the high?

In all my days of smoking joints, bong hits, and tokin' bowls I never once thought to myself "Hmmm.....I wonder what crack is like?"
Never. Not once.

I tried other drugs because I wanted to try other drugs not because the Weedmonster got into my head and told me to do it. I have an addictive personality and the excessive drug use was an unfortunate byproduct.
Just like I've never had just one beer. I've sat down with the intention of having one and ended up having 10 or 12. It's just part of who I am.
I suppose I could have redirected that energy away from drugs and booze, but I didn't. I'm not proud of it, but it happened.

I have the scars and the rap sheets to prove it.

In any case, weed is about the only thing I've ever done that turn me into a fiend.
If you talk to anyone who has ever been to a bar with me, they will tell you that once I've had one, it's on. I'll be there until closing time and then look for a party afterward.
But I can smoke one joint and say "enough."

I'll eat all the Doritos in the house, but I won't smoke all the weed.

I don't have kids. But if I did, I'd rather my kids be pot heads than drunken alcoholics. Drunks do dumb shit. They fight, they drive fast, they break into houses just to sleep on the couch.
Stoners go to Taco Bell and eat.
Wow. Big deal.

If anything, people smoking weed is good for the economy.

Why they hell do you think they created 24 hour drive thrus and grocery stores? They're not for law abiding, PBS watching citizens who happen to be watching the late news and have a sudden craving for shitty 99 cent tacos.

Look at the new Jack In the Box commercials.

Stoners.

Stoners get hungry and buy food. When they buy food, they don't prepare a list...well....some of them do. I was never one of those people. I went to the store and bought whatever sounded good as I wandered up and down the aisles.
Bananas and ketchup?
Fuck yeah, why not?
Give a pair of stoners $100 and send them to the store. They will spend that $100 on the most random shit and eat it all that night...well....except for the stuffed Easter bunny that someone picked up from the clearance shelf.
Who bought that thing?

Stoners.

Stoners drive innovation. Those little pretzel rolls with the cheesy pizza shit inside of them? Who do you think those were designed for? Popcorn flavored jellybeans? Those fucked up Doritos flavors like cheeseburger and hot sauce?

Stoners.

Lava lamps, black lights, crushed velvet paintings, the Hide A Bed, the Lazy Boy (hence the brand name), fruit scented markers, the digital clock,  the remote control, cheese on apple pie, the straw with the little spoon on the end that you get with ICEEs, ICEEs, Apple computers ( I mean who else would name an electronics company after a food?), surfing, skateboarding, snowboarding, bicycling (Hey man...I bet you can't balance on two wheels), the all you can eat buffet, the Slip N Slide, sand castles, those lawn sprinklers that look like a red tractor that are supposed to go across the lawn but never seem to go anywhere,  Mellow Yellow soda pop, canoeing (what the fuck did you think they had in those peace pipes?), every piece of software you've ever used (that's why most of it's not real intuitive except for creative suites).

Created for and by. Stoners.

Stoners have been living green since the dawn of time.
Recycling?
Stoner idea.
Everyone's smoked out of an old pop can or apple core.....and everyone's probably planted at least one of those apple cores after they were high in hopes to grow some more fucking apples.
Stoners like to ride bikes and skateboards, thus easing traffic and pollution. Not because they are necessarily concerned about such things, but after some good weed 55 MPH might as well be light speed  and Captain Kirk might as well be driving....and if you've attended some of the parties I've attended over the years, Captain Kirk was driving...badly I might add.

Alcohol and drugs can ruin lives if taken in excess. Marijuana leads to eating, sleeping and laughing for no good reason. Alcohol and drugs can lead to diseases, breakdown of bodily functions and even cancer.
Weed gives you the munchies and cottonmouth.

Rather than damning marijuana in this country, shouldn't we be thanking it for bringing us modern civilization....and delicious baked goods!

Georgia On My Mind

A friend of mine contacted me today regarding the new Georgia immigration laws. Apparently her brother lives south of the Mason Dixon line and had mentioned something about the farmers' lack of farmhands since the new laws have been enacted. Coincidentally  I had just finished reading an article about some Georgia colleges closing their doors to illegal immigrants.

Both of these problems create issues that are uniquely American.

First of all, unless you are one of the few full blooded Native Americans, you are an immigrant or the product of immigrants somewhere down the line. But are you the product of illegal immigrants?

Let me be very clear about this: the U.S. government does not want to stop illegal immigration. 

That stupid, overpriced wall down on the Mexico border? That's just a bullshit show to throw people into the debate of illegal immigration while the government goes about fucking us all for something else. It's sleight of hand....like Penn and Teller....except Obama can't pull a rabbit out of a hat and W couldn't pull his head out of his ass.

Why don't they want to stop it? Because illegal immigrants are good for the economy. That food you're eating? Harvested and processed by illegal immigrants.

The farmers hire illegal immigrants for one simple reason: because you'll never find my ass picking fuckin' apples in Yakima. And I won't find yours doing that either. Don't bullshit me: you've never picked apples or any other agricultural crop to feed your family.

You may have had some shitty jobs, as have I, but you've never done THAT.

Illegal immigrants are good for farmers. They work cheaply and you can pay them in cash.

It helps avoid payroll taxes.

And yes, if I owned a farm I'd hire illegals. In fact, in a previous life, unbeknownst to me, I employed about a dozen of them. They were great people.

But here's where the conundrum lies: why not immigrate legally?
And honestly, I don't have the answer to that. I've heard the arguments and I don't agree with any of them.
Anyway...back to the conundrum. The government doesn't want to stop it. If they did, they'd shoot people trying to come in illegally. But they don't.

Say what you want about the previous statement, but if people knew that they'd get shot trying to sneak into this country, the illegal immigration would drop dramatically.

But they don't want to stop it so they don't shoot them and so it doesn't stop.
OK.
Whatever.
If you want to let them in and hire them, pay them under the table, fine.
On the other side of that, these people do not deserve to have the same rights as American citizens.

Yet they do.
If they get caught committing a crime, they get a lawyer and a trial just like you and I. Their kids get to attend schools and universities. They get free medical care.

I don't get free fucking medical care and I bet you don't either.

Should we let them die in the streets? Maybe.
I don't have a lack of compassion for people, but I have a lack of money and patience to pay for other's people's shit.

Believe me when I say this: if I have to pay for your hospital bills and you are not a friend of mine or a family member, I'll drive my fat ass down to the hospital and shoot you myself.

It's cheaper that way.

Think about it this way: if you commit a crime in another country, you get caned. If you get sick in another country, you may or may not get help. It's a gamble.

People come to this country to try and make a better life for their family and I can't fault them for that. But I can fault our own country for reaching out to be the world's saviors without taking the time to take care of its own people.

I pay taxes. I pay exorbitant health care premiums because I have a shitty health care provider and can't afford to switch. I get fucked by the system every day....and so do you.

I say let's all renounce our citizenship, move to a foreign land, sneak back in and get those gallbladders removed, get those broken bones set properly, commit a crime, go to jail and get yourself an MBA compliments of the U.S. government.

I Can't Help You Now Fuck Off

It should be legal to break legs and kneecaps as a form of reprimand for being stupid in the workplace.
For example: this morning I receive 5 emails from the same person that emailed me 5 times yesterday regarding an issue I can't help them with. I've already pointed this person toward the person they need to talk to.....yet they continue to ping me.
"Hey, uhh...still have that same problem."
"Have you contacted the person I told you to contact?"
"No."
"Well then no shit you still have the same problem. And guess what jackfuck? You're going to continue having the same problem until you get off the fucking phone with me and contact the person I told you contact. Now I can't guarantee that person can help you, but one thing I can guarantee is that I cannot help you in this situation and the other guy is Obi Wan in this case. He's your only hope. Now fuck off."

If my phone rings again and the caller ID shows that same person with that same problem, by law, I should be able to go down to that person's office and break their knees.

Shouldn't I?

I mean, I don't have the authority to fire the person. If I did, I never would have hired them in the first place believe you that. So I should be able to break their knees for all the frustration they've caused me and time they've wasted.

The problem is that people are no longer hired on merit or their ability to do the job. No, most people are hired because of who they blow. Not who they know.

I'll admit it, I landed my current job because I happened to know an integral member of the team looking to add another person. It was actually pure coincidence, but it worked out in my favor.

That being said, I've maintained roughly the same career level while most everyone else I know has steadily managed to move up the corporate ladder. Two reasons for this. One being that I only decided to attempt to grow up and get a real job in my late 20's. Up to that point, I had taken jobs that were fun like working in restaurants and snowboard shops.

Fun yes. Pays the bills, no.

So while everyone else was settling into the corporate rat race, I was frequenting bars and after hours parties trying to maintain my already fizzled out fraternity days. This meant that everyone else around my age had over half a decade of experience and I had none.

Lucky for me I'm generally a pretty fast learner except for when it comes to working on British cars or kitchen appliances.

Second, and more importantly, I'm a non-political shithead. I don't believe in office politics...or American government politics for that matter, but that's a different topic for a different day. I refuse to be polite and suck up to people who are complete babbling, drooling morons. Unfortunately that description  seems to match a vast majority of employees across the board in all industries.

Not a day goes by that  I meet someone and think "my god you're fucking stupid. How the hell did you get that job?!"

Sometimes people will straight out tell you even if you don't ask them.
"I went to school with the VP who went to school with the President who was friends with my wife."

Holy fuck! No wonder the chain of command is full of drunken monkeys. They all know each other!

My brother often says that the real world is nothing more than a big version of high school and the older I get, the more I realize he's right.

Look at the corporate structure of most corporations. The high level managers are the guys that were the popular guys in high school,  and were usually on the football team.

Don't believe me? Try reading one of Malcom Gladwell's many books on the world. It is a proven fact that men in high-powered positions tend to be physically larger  and taller than your average American male. Of course the women that rise through the ranks tend to be attractive if not always the brightest....kind of like the popular girls in high school.

Know what I did in high school?

I drank beer.

I was also an honors student, but I hung out with the gearheads and the hoodlums with a few nerds in the mix because I was usually the new kid in school and these were the only guys that would let me hang out with them without a letterman's jacket on.

That being said, I also got away with a lot of shit I probably shouldn't have such as trying to run down a freshman in my pickup truck my senior year because, as far as my teachers knew, I was a good kid that always went to class and got good grades.

It was my friends that showed up high on shrooms making architectural penis jokes.

Really, my role in life hasn't changed since high school. I'm still the good kid who will try to help you out, but I tend to overstep my boundaries when I realize you're a fucking idiot who should never have gotten to the point you're at.
Except rather than going to the Principal's office, I get chewed out by the higher ups and written up and all that happy fun shit. But they keep me around either for entertainment or because they know that I know things they don't have the time or desire to know.

I could probably rise through the ranks easier, in turn making my own life much easier if only I"d play the game.
But you know what? I didn't like most of those people in high school.....and I don't like them now.

Why America is Broke

There was a time when the United States was home to major manufacturing companies and factories. There was a time when Americans could easily afford to buy a new car and a home on a single income. There was a time when Americans could have a career and afford all of these things without the ridiculous debt incurred by a college education.
So what happened?
Greed and liberals.

The average Japanese CEO earns 1/6th of a comparable American CEO. In the United States, the shitbag C level executives can draw bigger and bigger paychecks the deeper they drive their companies into debt.
It's amazing. You know what? I could be the perfect American CEO.

Pick a company. Any company. I guarantee you that I could call a few friends and we could burn through every dime in that company in less than 30 days.

I guarantee it.
Hookers.
Drugs.
Booze.
Vegas.
Repeat until money's all gone.

As these fuckbags became greedier and greedier, they began outsourcing job functions and manufacturing to foreign countries.

But then again, can you blame them?

Enter the shitball labor unions. Yeah I know, the bleeding hearts will tell you that it's because of unions that we have the 5 day, 40 hour work week.
Great!
Guess what fuckbags? Nobody works only 40 hours a week anymore!!
Well, except for the dickbag union members and the government...oh yeah, they're union too. Your tax money at work.
Fuckbags.

Most everyone I know with any sort of professional career works 50, 60 hours a week or more and sometimes 7 days a week. But these people are salaried. They don't get overtime, they don't get time an a half.

There may have been a time when labor unions were needed, but it wasn't in my lifetime so I don't give a fuck. Some piece of shit with no job skills does not deserve $35 an hour to put a bolt on a fucking car.

Period.

If you have some kind of goddamn outrageous marketable skill such as the ability to perform brain surgery or to make companies a shit ton of money, then fine, you deserve to get paid well.
But if you're a lazy fuckbag who wants to sit on his fat ass and work at the DMV taking driver's license photos, take your smoke break every 30 minutes then you deserve minimum wage because what you do isn't any more important and doesn't require any more skill than what teenage kids do when they work at fast food joints.

They make minimum wage.

That's why we don't make anything in this country any more and the what we do make is either absolute crap or extremely overpriced when compared to the imported competition. We have overpaid monkeys who can't think and aren't paid to do so assembling the few mass produced products still made here in the US of A.

The artisan, handmade products we make here are still wonderful quality, but those products are generally out of my price range. But they are nice to look at.

Now, think about this: if the C-level  executive pay directly correlated to how much profit a company made, don't you think we'd be in a much better position?
If the company doesn't make money, guess what shitbag CEO? Neither do you!

We also need to make it more expensive to send business overseas. Make it so expensive that American companies will want to keep jobs here. That's what other countries do.

Now, the free market types will argue that my ideas go against the free market, and they'd be right. So in a free market or any economy for that matter, I'm going to buy what gives me the most value for my money. 9 times out of 10, that means imported.
I drive a Japanese car. My home is full of Japanese and Chinese electronics. I had stir fry for dinner.

I give fuck all where my products are made and to be honest, I don't care if my stuff was made in a sweat shop. Sweat shops are only wrong because American society deem them to be wrong. Obviously not everyone agrees or else they wouldn't exist.
Kind of like slavery or indentured servitude. Not everyone finds it morally wrong.

Combine our crappy products with inflation (also due to government and corporate greed), and you have a broken broke ass company...er...country.

We still have the best economy of all the broke ass economies.
It's kind of like being on top of the shit pile or being the smartest kid in the slow class or being the skinniest kid at fat camp.

America! Fuck yeah!