You Are Fat, Not Hadicapped

People like this guy piss me off. I have friends that are actually handicapped due to illness, injury and/or birth defect. They didn't ask to have missing limbs or to walk with canes or crutches. Yet, they aren't suing anyone because they can't reach the fucking Cheerios at Safeway.

No.

They usually do this: "Hey dude, can you do me a favor and grab the fucking Cheerios? Thanks!"

Yet these fat fuckers waddle through life blaming everyone and asking for a hand out because they eat at goddamn White Castle every day. They get handicapped placards for their Fatman mobiles. They use the old people power scooter at the grocery store....which isn't even rated for a half a ton. They blame the food companies for making them fat. They blame their employers for discriminating against them.

The list just goes on and on...

I'll admit it. I'm definitely a few pounds heavier than I should be. But you know whose fault that is?

MINE!

Obama Bin Laden didn't come over to my apartment last night and declare a jihad against my waistline and force me to eat those new Oreos that are regular Oreo on one side and golden Oreo on the other.

Nope.

I sat down and turned on the TV and poured myself a glass of milk and ate the fucking cookies.
Me. I did it.
I also ate the pulled pork sandwich at the lunch meeting. I could have had a salad, but I didn't.

I was also a pack a day smoker for more than a decade. So, I guess if I get cancer I can sue Camel.
Everyone else does. They claim they didn't know Camels cause cancer and Big Macs give you heart attacks.

BULLSHIT!!!

People just don't want to take responsibility for the fact that they are fat, nicotine and Vicodin addicted assholes. They just don't.

I once worked for a guy that weighed 400 lbs. No shit.
When I would ride my bike into work he'd always comment that "you'd never see my fat ass on a pedal bike. That's too much work."

And that sir, is precisely why you tip the scales at nearly a quarter ton.

My theory is that it's laziness. It's hard to work all day then go home and prepare a healthy meal. It's easier to get Drive Thru gourmet.
It's hard to go to the gym or go jogging or ride a bike. It's easier to point a Jimmy Dean sausage finger at the world and blame everyone else for your problems.
It's hard to look in the mirror and admit to yourself that you're a big, fat, lazy fuck of a person. It's easier to get a lawyer and sue Burger King for making delicious and addictive treats.

There's nothing wrong with being fat. If you're OK with it, I'm OK with it. But don't go around expecting people to help you because you "handicapped" yourself. That's akin to cutting your own leg off with a chainsaw on purpose then expecting sympathy.

NO motherfucker. YOU did it! YOU cut your leg off. Now hop like a pogo stick, shit head!

Some claim "food addiction." Now I don't know if this is a real condition or not. But let's say it is. Then get help, just like a drug addict or alcoholic. Alcoholics know they can't drink safely, so they stay the fuck out of the bar!
Stay the fuck out of the buffet, and you'll probably be OK.

And stop trying to bullshit people by telling them you like being 100 lbs overweight. Give you curves. Oh bullshit! Nobody likes shopping at the Big and Tall because they are big but not tall.

They oughta start a fucking store called the Short N Fat. I know there have been times when I could have shopped there. That was, until I put down the bacon burger.

Maybe I can get one of those handicapped things for my car because I'm mentally unstable.

HEY! IT'S A HANDICAP!

I might explode on an innocent person on my way through the parking lot. Better get me closer to the door to limit exposure.

Making the World Safer One Idiot At a Time

Kids today (and many adults) cannot drive manual shift cars. Nothing comes with manual shift anymore, so there's no need to learn. Cars have airbags, back up cameras, OnStar (which I'm convinced is a government tracking program) and GPS. There's no reason to be a smart or safe driver or to learn menial things like how to read a map.

We all know that our cars are killing us. But unfortunately, our cars aren't killing us properly. The advent of all this safety gear has rendered good old common sense completely useless. It allows us to get into bad, and dangerous habits because there are no longer consequences like steering columns piercing your chest or dashboards breaking your legs. As new drivers come of age, they learn to drive these technologically advanced autos that do everything for them.

Why look backward when backing up? I have a camera that does that.
Why learn to drive in the snow? I have traction control for that.

It's sad that in the quest to make the roads safer, we've inadvertently made our society just that much dumber. Now kids are shocked when they are sending a text from behind the wheel and wrap their mom's SUV around a telephone pole.

They give you this look that says "OMG WTF?" How the fuck did that happen???

You should not be able to walk away from a 70 MPH impact without some sort of injury. Period.

I don't mean that you should be decapitated. I'm just saying that maybe a bruise or a pulled muscle or something. Some sort of pain to remind you that you are in pain because you are a dumb fuck.

Many parents don't let their kids ride bikes or go snowboarding or do anything else outside for fear that they might get hurt. Yeah, they might. But you know what? That's life kid! Go be a fucking kid and do kid stuff. If you get hurt doing kid stuff, you'll probably remember that and you won't do it again. Unless you're a skater or BMXer or some other "extreme" sports participant. Then you'll figure out where the trick went wrong and you'll try it 1000 times until you get it right.

But you're not the kind of person I'm talking about here so fuck off and go skate.
In this era of sheltering everyone from every thing, we've created a bunch of idiots, pussies and wannabes.

As an avid cyclist, I keep abreast of the cycling accidents and deaths in my area as sort of a grim hobby. It never ceases to amaze me when I go onto craigslist and see some hipster-built brakeless fixie for sale for $100.

Me: "Hey dude, I'm callin' about the fixie for sale. Why you sellin' it?"
SkinnyJeansHipster420: "I got it to ride around town, but I almost got hit by a truck."
Me: "You could just put brakes on it."
SkinnyJeansHipster420: "I thought it would take away from the Zen of riding fixed."
Me:" You're an idiot. I'll give you $50 and you won't have to relive your traumatic near death experience every time you go to the kitchen for some soy milk or a PBR."

I recently read about a local rider who was hit by a commuter train because he blew through the barricade with headphones on and didn't hear the train coming. Must have been fucking blind as well because, well....HOW THE FUCK DO YOU NOT SEE A FUCKING TRAIN??!

A lot of local people tried to blame the city or the train operator.
No.
You idiots.
Blame the moron that ran the red light that didn't see or hear the train.
Blame him you goddamn blame-shifting feel good hippies.

Or the people that are learning to snowboard while wearing the whole NFL protective gear package. I'm all for safety, but there is some level of inherent risk in sports. Well....maybe not golf......
I understand that nobody wants to break an arm at Vail, but you know what? It happens. It's a fact of life.
If you don't want to risk breaking your arm, don't go snowboarding. Take up knitting or something. Then maybe you'll stab yourself.

There is a difference between safety and removing all consequence.

The worst part about all this "safety net" bullshit is that people learn to do everything poorly. They drive poorly, they ride poorly, they even walk poorly. I had a girl walk right out in front of me during traffic hour because she was sending the all important OMG LOL text.

I contemplated hitting her, but I didn't want to dent my car.


Consider "cyber bullying." What the fuck is that?
What happened to Everett Vigil punching the smaller kids and taking their lunch money?

Now some kid creates a website that talks shit about another kid. I bet if Kid #2 broke Kid #1's fucking hands so that he couldn't get on the computer, the "cyber bullying" would stop.
Try creating a website with 10 broken fingers. Unless you're using Dragon, you can't.
And if you are using Dragon, the fucking site won't make any sense anyway.

Just like in the old days (I cannot believe I just typed that) when a bully would confront you, you kick the shit out of him. Or he kicks the shit out of you. Either way, a pecking order is established.

I mean, you can't threaten someone with a cyber fight.
"I'll see you on the virtual playground! My avatar's gonna kill your avatar."

I dunno.
Maybe you can.
All I know is that if my kid ever whined to me about being cyber bullied, I'd kick the shit out of him myself.
The real shit, not the virual kind.

My Ass Hurts for MS Research

As I always do this time of year, I met up with members of Team Pro Bono for the annual MS 150, a charity ride that donates all fundraising proceeds to Multiple Sclerosis research. For those of you who may not know, I have a handful of friends that live with MS, so although I donate my time and money to other non-profits and charities, the MS Ride is my main fundraising focus throughout the year.

It gives me a good excuse to ride my bike, enjoy the company of strangers and help out some friends, what better charity could there be?

This year, Pro Bono took the show on the road and traveled to norther Idaho to participate in the closed course MS 150 that is a 75 mile out and back that runs from BFE, Idaho to Way Past BFE, Idaho. 2011 also welcomed a new member to Pro Bono.
A fellow Delta Chi and former EWU linebacker, Andy Castle brings good humor and good size to the team. He makes an excellent wind block. I hope you continue riding with us in the coming years Mr. Castle, because that stretch between Mt Vernon and Bellingham is always windy.

Much of the team could not attend due to previous engagements or family emergencies.
While it would have been great to have everyone along for the ride, sometimes life happens and that is understandable.

Mr. Castle and I decided to take it upon ourselves to complete all 150 miles on Saturday. We left the hotel room around 4:30 AM, only to find ourselves on a single lane dirt road waiting for Leatherface to hop in the back of the truck. Thanks for that Google Maps. Your sense of humor is stellar.
We ended up doubling back into town to have a look at a sign Andy had pointed out earlier. It very clearly said "TRAIL HEAD" in big letters. Maybe he oughta go work for Google Maps.
We rolled out in the blackness of the Tater Nation pre-dawn, onto a paved bike path that neither of us had every ridden. In true Delta fashion, we relied on small commuter head lights because we didn't want to tote around the extra weight of real headlights and battery packs for 150 miles.

Geniuses.

But, we rode until the sun came up without incident...save for the few times we almost crashed into each other and/or almost rode off the sides of the trail.
About an hour into the ride, we were passed by the only other 2 riders embarking on all 150 miles that day. They stopped ahead of us to take pictures of a bull moose grazing in the marsh next to the trail.

That would be the last time we saw them.

We made it to Mile 75, which was the starting line for the rest of the riders. We regrouped with Kristin and Shari, and hit the road for the ride back. Along the way, we picked up a solo rider looking to draft off big Andy. His name was Roger; a man on the far side of middle aged riding a neon green Kona Jake the Snake cyclocross bike who would not stop talking for the next 4 hours. Literally.
Other than some mild heat stroke, and Roger's incessant yapping, the second leg of the ride was without incident.

Upon our return to the BFE Indian Casino and Hotel, we attended a buffet style dinner where we promptly stuffed our empty stomachs while listening to the evening's speakers.
While most of the speakers were staff and/or volunteers for the MS Society, the speaker that got everyone's attention was a 20 year old kid who is the recipient of this year's MS Society scholarship.
Unfortunately I can't recall his name. :-(
Here is a kid who was diagnosed with MS as a teenager. As if being a teenager or being diagnosed with this mysterious illness isn't enough....no....this kid had both! Now, a sophomore at Montana, he is on his way to studying medicine....to help in MS research.
He received a standing ovation from the crowd and I think it was well deserved.
It was mentioned that Bike MS (MS 150) is the largest fundraising campaign run by the National MS Society. So far we've managed to raise $80MM for Multiple Sclerosis research and to help those living with MS.

And no matter how much your ass hurts from riding all day, doing something that positive makes you feel good.

Send Me Your Money

Dear reader,
I will be taking the next few days off from ranting to participate in the MS 150 charity bicycle ride in northern Idaho. I will be back online Monday Sept. 12th with more rantings.

As many things as I bitch about, I am happy for the fact that I have my health and that most of my physical issues are self inflicted. I look toward people who continue to live their lives to the fullest despite their "disabilities" or "limitations."

I  volunteer my time with great organizations such as the Outdoors For All foundation and the Seattle Slam quad rugby team. Both are great outfits with very inspiring messages for those of us who have full physical and mental capabilities, but find reasons to not live out our lives to the fullest.

I'm a strong believer in volunteering your time and not just throwing money at something to make yourself feel like you've done something. Anyone, including my broke ass, can donate a few bucks here and there. But it takes time, commitment and some emotional involvement to really make a difference in the world. You never understand a problem without really getting involved in it.

I choose to volunteer with these particular organizations because, as a person who enjoys activities that can potentially paralyze me, I like to know what to expect when my day of reckoning comes.

But the Multiple Sclerosis foundation is something a bit more to me.

A close family friend was diagnosed with MS when I was just a kid. I didn't know what it was or what it meant at the time. All I knew was that this once healthy and vibrant woman began to have issues with simple things like climbing a set of stairs. She was always tired. Then one day she began to use a cane to help her walk. Then it was a walker. Like an old lady.

But she was only in her late 30's or early 40's.

This scared me. The fact that nobody knew what MS really was or what had caused it really fucked with my head.
Remember that this was the late 1980's and AIDS was the big, new, scary disease. For all I knew, MS and AIDS were the same thing!


A few years ago, I found out that a friend of mine from college has been living with MS for about a decade now. So the way I see it, the least I can do is help raise money for MS research. A day or two suffering on a bicycle is nothing compared to what these two tough ladies have to endure every day.

The difference is that, I suffer for one weekend a year. These two live with this disease every day of their lives.

Multiple Sclerosis is a terrible disease that can and will cause loss of movement and paralysis, even blindness.
It's cause is unknown. It affects all kinds of people in all walks of life. No two cases are exactly alike.
The Pacific Northwest, and Washington State in particular, has the highest known MS rate of anywhere in the U.S.A.

Multiple Sclerosis could hit you or me at any time. I hope it doesn't. But it could....

To learn more about MS, please visit the National MS Society.

Please visit this site to donate to my fundraising and cycling team.

See you next week!

Go To School Get a Job

I recently turned 35. I look back on my life and if I had to do it all over again, there are certainly some things I would have done differently. But there are a lot of things I wouldn't have changed.

As is fairly common in people of my age bracket, I am nowhere near as professionally or financially successful as I thought I'd be at this point in my life. That is due to a number of variables, some I could have affected, some I could not have. Sure I like my job well enough....well....I like my boss well enough, the job is decent because my boss is decent this time around. The same cannot be said for previous employment choices.

I somehow fell into the job path I've pretty much been in for the last 5 years or so by accident. I thought I was on my way toward gaining good experience and making some good upward progress until I lost my job a couple of years back. Sitting down and hammering out resumes all day long gave me time to reflect on what I really wanted to do with my life. And I came to the following conclusion:

I still have no idea what I want to be when I grow up.

Some people have certain "callings" in life, or so they say. I've never had that. There are a lot of things I enjoy, but unfortunately the things I enjoy have never panned out to profitable opportunities.

So I'm here, like millions of Americans in a job that isn't really where I want to be, but it pays well enough that I'm content for the time being.

As a kid in the 1980's and 1990's I had illusions of grandeur that someday I'd be the high powered CEO or the high priced lawyer. I had gotten good grades until I went to college. I bumbled around for a few years while I drank massive quantities of alcohol laden beverages, trying to figure what I wanted to do. I wanted to write.....but that doesn't get you a job. I wanted to make films...but that doesn't get you a job. After all, going to college is about getting a job, right? Isn't that why you spend all that money?

That's what I thought because that is what I had been told by everyone in my family, including the ones who never went to college.

And I found out that they were wrong.

If you enter an institute of higher learning with the sole intentions on getting a job, then find out what is trending in the job market, study your ass off even if it is in a subject you do not enjoy in the least bit, participate in every extracurricular activity you can get into, work a full time job and graduate cum lade. You will find a job when you exit school.
Of course you may also end up being miserable and shoving a shotgun in your own mouth when you realize that you've spend the formative years of your life doing what everyone else wanted you to do.

College shouldn't be about finding a job....at least that should not be anyones complete focus and rationale upon entering college. What you learn in the classroom is only a small portion of what you really learn in college. Kids should explore opportunities they are not afforded in high school. Go ahead, take that underwater basket weaving class. Who knows? Maybe that will be your calling. If you find out that you had some underlying basket weaving talent that was never exposed, was it worth taking that class and pursuing that passion?

I think so.

Join that frat house, drink too much once in a while (but not all the time!) and have those stupid drunken "I was in college" stories to share with your friends throughout the years.

People need to experience college. It's more than just classes, term papers and GPA's for most people. There are social aspects to get involved in, life lessons to be learned. Ramen noodles cooked 14 different ways.

For some people, it's only about classes, term papers and GPAs. We call those people nerds.

And you know what? There's nothing wrong with being a nerd either. People that become billionaire software and internet tycoons were/are nerds. So don't pick on the nerd at the frat party, he's going to be your signing your paychecks one day.

In my experience, the things you learn in college outside of the classroom are much more valuable than what you take away from analyzing Beowulf. I never once been asked about the things I learned within the classroom walls of my Alma matter. Not once.

One aspect of college that I wish I would have taken advantage of was networking. I'm not talking about Facebook or Twitter. I mean real  interaction with real people. You never know who you're going to meet. Some of the people I met in college were relatives of high-powered business owners, some are now radio and entertainment personalities and others are business owners.

You never know who you are going to meet.

Unfortunately I didn't realize the value of networking until later in life and believe me, I leverage it when I can. That being said, I  also do what I can to help out others within my circles.

But not everyone can go to college or should go to college and people who go to college don't necessarily need to go right after high school.
Maybe I was one of those people.


It was. Or so I thought.

What it really came down to was that my parents had told me that they would help pay for college if I enrolled after high school. If I waited, I would be on my own.

So I went directly to college, I didn't pass go and I didn't collect $200.
I also didn't go to class.

For the number of years I was in school, I should have "Dr." in front of my name.
But I don't.

And I don't have M.B.A, PhD., Esquire, M.F.A, M.D or C.P.A. after it either.

I often wonder what life would have been like had I not attended college or if I would have waited until I had some life experience under my belt. I certainly wouldn't have the debt I currently carry around every month. It's like a $500 a month period without the blood. I get moody and irritable every month when I have to pay that bill.
I'm pretty confident that I would still be in the same tax bracket had I not gone to school.

There are plenty of trades to learn and other industries where you can still rise to the top with little or no education at all: retail, the food industry, sales.  Some of the best sales people I know never went to college and many barely made it through high school. Sales is a talent that is groomed from natural ability, it isn't something you can teach in a classroom.

As I said, what you learn in the classroom is only a fraction of what you really learn in college, and you'll never use most of that shit anyway. Especially the crap you learn in your first 2 years of school.

I realize that the 100 and 200 level classes are the prerequisites to entering your major, but let's face it, most of it is just an extension of the worthless crap you learned in high school. I know some schools are actually structured in the opposite manner: you take your major first, then take the bullshit in your last couple of years. Schools are now offering credits for life experience.

I think that should be more commonplace. Even today, you learn more on the job than you do in the classroom in most cases. And let's face it, there are a lot of crappy teachers and professors out there that have never tried or never succeeded at anything else professionally.

So who the fuck are they to teach you how to do succeed?

With the exception of a few subjects such as math, life and business cannot be learned from a book. In fact, what the book tells you is often wrong. The theories were written by those same people who never ventured outside of the classroom.

My two favorite professors in college weren't even "real" professors. Neither had a doctorate at the time, but both had careers previous to entering the teaching profession. They didn't dictate to the class from a book religiously. Most of the time, their classes revolved around real-world projects with real local and national schools and businesses.

That is how college should be taught. In the real world. Let students experience what it's really like to work in certain industries. Require them to do internships, useful internships, not bullshit internships selling tickets for the Spokane Indians games.

I would much rather work for a person who has experience and expertise in their field as opposed to a freshly minted MBA. I've worked for both, and I'll never pick working for the kid fresh out of grad school. Ever.

People should go to school for two reasons: to learn new things or to supplement knowledge they already have. Study for enjoyment not for employment. If you enjoy what you do, the employment will follow.

I'd Rather Watch Football...and I Don't Even Like Football

President Barack Obama is scheduled to give his hoorah let's go create some jobs speech next week, which also coincides with the NFL season opener. I'd rather watch football...and I don't even like football.
While Mr. Obama gave some great hoorah speeches while on the campaign trail, his sustenance has been disappointing to put it mildly. "Oh it's the Republicans fault!" they cry.

Oh bullshit.

Think about this: who embodies the furthest thing from a rich, mumbling not so bright white guy?
That's right! A "self made," articulate black guy!

He was put in office to pacify the people in the wake of all the shit Lil Bush stirred up.
Yes I said put in office, as in installed. Don't kid yourselves people, your votes don't matter as much as you would like to think they do. They really don't matter at all. The people who still believe that their single vote makes a difference are the same people that believe gas prices aren't fixed and that the president really IS there to represent the people.

But I digress. This entry is about jobs, and not fixed elections.

I have a friend who has been out of work for 2 years now. It's not that he hasn't been looking, but he keeps getting doors closed in his face because people say he's been out of the job market for too long.

What do you do?

You lose your job. You try to find another job during some of the worst economic times in modern American history along with thousands of others looking for work as well. So you continue looking and at some point you begin to get the "you've been out of the industry for too long" line.

Let me tell you about my job hunting experience during this New Economy.

I lost my job just before the summer in 2009.
I honestly wasn't too worried about the situation because after all, this is Seattle. We were a year or two behind the recession bubble, so even then, you could walk out of one job and have another before you reached the other side of the street.

Or so I thought.

Some friends had helped me get potential interviews for sales positions at a few companies, but I hate sales. Hate it. So I thought I'd hold out and look for something I wanted to do.

But as I began looking, I started getting emails and phone calls from friends in the same or similar industries as mine, similar job titles as mine...all getting downsized and laid off. It was like we were a bunch of dominoes falling one by one with no arms or legs to help ourselves up.

We all got together once a week or so to carpool to various job fairs. I think it was more of a social outing than anything because anyone who has ever been to a job fair will tell you that all the jobs at the job fair is like all the stuff at the swap meet. It's shit nobody else wants and shit you don't want.

It was when the lines at the job fairs began to stretch for entire city blocks that reality really hit that everyone was out of work from entry level kids to seasoned professionals.

You know somethings wrong when you have to RSVP for a job fair. That's fucked.

So we quit going to job fairs. We shared ideas over email and on Facebook. My friend and former co-worker got together once in awhile to run errands because we lived up street from each other. But really, after a few months of sitting in front of the computer hammering out resumes and cover letters day in and day out, you reach a point where you don't want anything to do with the outside world.

You don't want to hear about the fucked up economy because you're there living it. You don't want to hear the traffic report because you wish you were commuting to work. You don't want to hear about the world's problems because just dealing with your own shit is a full time job in and of itself. You go to bed every night hoping you'll wake up the next morning with that magic email in your inbox telling you that Company X would like to bring you on full time at a salary that was similar to the one you had before.

It never happens.

I sent out nearly 2000 emails in the course of a few months and only landed a handful of interviews. Of those interviews, two were willing to pay me half of what I made before....which was on par with what unemployment paid. One led me through a series of three interviews only to tell me that they wanted to hire me but couldn't afford me.
I thought to myself "well, if you pay more than unemployment, I'm willing to negotiate."
The last interview, which was for a position that I actually wanted and that actually paid me on par with what I had previously made, called me to extend a job offer only to rescind a few days later, stating that they were now on a hiring freeze due to lack of sales.

It was all very disconcerting.

I created a personalized website showcasing my accomplishments and some of my "talents," I tried to start a business with a couple of former colleagues which is hard when nobody in the group has a real source of income.

It's tough to get a bank loan when you're broke, which is ironic, because if I had money, I wouldn't have needed the loan. Motherfuckers.

After a few months of being unemployed, the "advice" from family members began to roll in.

Let me pause for this commercial break:

"Oh you should go back to school."
I'd like to, but I already have student loan debt and I'm not looking to add to that. Because if and when I do find another job, I'LL HAVE EVEN MORE LOANS TO PAY BACK!

"You should start your own business."
Please refer to previous rant about being broke and getting a bank loan.

"You should take a part time job or whatever comes along just to show you've been working."

This.

This is the biggest conundrum in the history of unemployment. You can't take the part time job because you can't afford to. I mean, you literally can't afford to. If you can afford to pay your bills on a $10 an hour part time job, then you don't have shit to worry about. You'll never be in this boat and maybe we should all take a lesson from you. But if you're like the other 99.9% of the people in this country, then you have bills to pay and $10 an hour at 20 hours a week just won't cut it. You're better off financially staying unemployed.

I know, because I made that mistake. Believe me, that's one mistake I'll never make again! After I realized that the unemployment checks were bigger than my employment checks, I scrambled to find another job....or to lose the current part time one I had.

The other side of the dish is this: if you take a part time job at the local supermarket or coffee shop or whatever happens to be in your neighborhood and it has nothing to do with what you did before in your professional life, you're better off staying home. Because the minute you put that on your resume or someone asks you "what have you been doing with your down time" and you tell them you've been making lattes, they're going to ask you "well, what the fuck does that have to with (insert previous profession here)?"

The obvious answer is nothing, and they know the answer is nothing. It's as if they ask you that just to hear some bullshit answer for their own amusement.

When I was asked that question I always wanted to answer with, "nothing motherfucker! And you know it has nothing to do with what I'd been doing  for the last five years before I lost my job. I just got sick and tired of sending out fucking resumes all day long and getting fucking nowhere!"

I still do.

"You need to target your cover letters and resumes better and you'll have more bites."
This may be bullshit. May not be. I've seen it work, and I've seen it become the biggest waste of time. I tried to tailor my documents for the first few months, but after awhile of getting nowhere, you just want to hit as many places as possible so you pull out the shotgun.

I eventually landed a job that paid enough to pay the bills. After a year of searching. It wasn't a job I wanted or a job that I ever thought I'd have.

Nope.

After spending half a decade trying to position myself for a decent career in IT procurement and product sourcing, I became an exterminator.

Yep. Bug man.

Well, actually I was a bug killing manager. But that's akin to being a fast food manager. Any way you slice the deli meat, you're still a peon at the end of the day. I still crawled under people's homes and got covered in rat shit.

So I spent a year killing bugs and rodents while I looked for another job to actually get back on track with my career when I stumbled onto a job opening that happened to be with a company a friend of mine and former co-worker worked for.

Sometimes it's not what you know.

Of course, when I interviewed for the position, they asked me what killing bugs and rats has to do with IT procurement.....

Now I have a job....for the next year. It's a 1 year contract and there is no guarantee that the contract will be renewed. They didn't renew the contract for the guy before me...or the guy before him... So now I think about what's going to happen next year. Will I be in that long unemployment line with my buddy?

It's very possible. Probably pretty likely.
But I'll enjoy what I have for now and try not to worry too much....

So I'll start looking again in the next month or so in hopes that I can line something else up.
If not, then it's back to government cheese and Ramen.

Maybe by then I'll finally be in a position to sell everything and go live on a beach in some country somewhere that you've never heard of.

But until then, I'll skip the President's bullshit speeches on how he's trying to create jobs and I'll watch football instead.

Christopher Columbus Was a Dope Dealer

Like most Americans, I spent my formative years in the public school system. The product of a military family, I attended schools in a few different states and I can attest that there are historical descrepaancies abound. For example, while most of the country celebrates Columbus Day, parts of the Norwegian-heavy midwest celebrate Leif Erikson Day stating that the Italian born Spanish sponsored Columbus was not the first to reach the shores of the modern day United States.
In other states where there is a large Mormon population, the history books read that the Mormon missionaries actually paved the way to the West rather than Lewis and Clark.

What ever happened to the seperation of church and state? And why can't our public schools decide on the history of this supposedly once great land?

In any case neither explorers discovered this mass of land. There were already people here....and they probably stole it from the people that were here before them.

Let me be perfectly honest: if I knew I could kick your ass and steal your house on the beach, I would.
If I had the financial backing to start my own country and make my own rules, I would.

I'm not in the least bit convinced that the whole "discovery" of America was due to an error when scouting a new shipping route for spices. I'm pretty convinced that Columbus was looking for new land to cultivate poppies....opium.

Why?
Two reasons:
1) You can't convince me that ships known to be far from watertight and notroiously infested with rats and disease were to be entrusted with perishable goods for the Queen.

I call bullshit.

2) Evidence of opium use and cultivation  in Europe dates back to 4000 BC. It is a well known fact that the British were the largest market for Asian opium. In fact, the East India Company (the very same that is credited as having been responsible for  the Boston Tea Party) was the largest shipper of Asian and Indian grown opium to Great Britain during the 17th and 18th centuries. One can argue that this was hundreds of years after Columbus. But the fact still remains that the British Empire was largely funded by the drug trade and suspicion and common sense tell me that the empire was not new to this economic model.
Besides, when was the last time you heard of anyone killing for cinnamon? But people get killed over drugs all over the world every day. Always have and always will.
I don't think it was a coincedence that Columbus landed in the Bahamas. Seems like a good climate to grow opium...I mean, spices....

Washington D.C. was supposedly named for Columbus. Why then, isn't it called the District of Columbus? Why the District of Columbia....a country famous for drugs?


I think Erikson, on the other hand, was trying to circumnavigate via the Arctic Circle. Rumor has it that once the crew spotted land, Erikson made them continue on until they nearly ran out of food.
If you were merely trying to discover new lands why the fuck would you keep sailing through the goddamn arctic waters once you had spotted land?! Let's not

Maybe someone had ulterior motives.

Let's not forget that the founders of this country were all wealthy men who were supposedly fleeing religious persecution.

Wealthy.

As Chris Rock said: "I'm not talking about rich, I'm talking about wealth. Shaq is rich. The white man that signs his check is wealthy."

Face it, nobody ever became wealthy completely honestly. I think Warren Buffet just hides it better than the others.

But then so did Edmund McIhenney...until the book came out.